Since wen dis conokoko disease wey dat Italiano bring come Lagos show face, I dey very careful any time I put my guonguoro for road.

Yes ke. I no go fit say becos of dat I no go do my work again. If I stop work, wetin my family go chop? Di university wey my two woman pikin – Bisi and Funke – one go after JAMB, na wia di money go from come? Wia I go see money take care of my darling wife Bose? Wia I go see money dey take My Usual from time to time for Madam Shine Buka wey dey near Airport Hotel?

And all dose Sikiratu, Aisha, etc etc still dey one corner o!

Man must to work nau. Di ting wey I dey do now be say, before you enter my guonguoro, I must give you soap water to take wash hand, wen you don enter siddon, I go give you face cover. Anybody wey no like am so, I go tell di person to come down. Na im be say e no be my own passenger. I no go come peme becos of oyibo disease.

Yesterday na so one madam come meet me for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. Di madam say e wan take me for charter go Badagry, and I go carry am come back.

I say Badagry loun loun?

But my troublem no come be di long distance alone, if you see dis madam boysquarter, you go bow. To take am waka sef dey hard di madam. If e waka and you take style look am from back, na so di ting go dey roll and shake like Shakespear. Na real double silencer di woman carry for back. I come talk am for my mind say, if dis madam carry dis kind heavy weight enter my guonguoro, di ting go jus faint one time.

E come be like say di madam sabi wetin dey my mind. E tell me say make I no worry, make I jus tell am my price and e go pay double. Olorun Oba o!

Who no like better money for dis kind dry time?

I tell am say e must wash im hand with soap water and cover im nose before e enter. Di madam say “Your wish is my command!”

As we dey go for road, di madam come tell me say wen we reach Badagry, we go move forward small, den I go carry small load for my boot and begin come back.

My broda, wen we manage reach Badagry after all di Go-slow wey full for dat road, di madam say make I jus dey go front. Na so we dey go sote we reach border.

Na so e say make I drive enter one bush path like dat. We reach for one place wey be like small village market. E say make I stop. Di madam go down, e tell me make I wait for am, dat e no go take two minutes.

Dis madam enter inside bush. I wait for am tire! My throat come dry, I no see wia I go buy pure water drink, and I never eat since morning. I come fear make I no come faint for inside di bush market.

As I say make I press horn, na im di madam come out. Ten hefty bobo like dat follow am for back. All of dem carry bag of rice for head come.

As dem reach wia I pack, dem bring down all di rice. Madam say make I open my boot and all di door of my guonguoro make dem load di rice.

I ask di madam, all dis 10 bag of rice for inside dis my small guonguoro with tokunbo tyre?

Di madam say “Remember I’m paying you double”

Na so dem load di rice everywia for my guonguoro – boot, back seat, front seat, even inside bonnet. I ask di madam wia im go siddon, e say make I no worry, say e go find im way, make I jus begin dey go, e go meet me for our garage for Ikeja.

I say make di madam pay me nah. Na so e count all my money give me, plus di double. I smile as I dey count di money. Na so I begin drive comot for di bush market, with all di rice.

So dis madam tink say I be mumu? So dis madam no know say I sabi well well say dem don close border and no more oyibo rice for Naija? So dis madam wan make Baba Bubu catch me and finish me?

No be me and you, if dem send you come from village, go back and tell dem say I don travel. Oloribruku village wintch ni yin!

As I jus enter road, I drive straight go Custom check point. I tell dem everyting wey happen, and hand over di hole rice to dem. Di khaki boys tank me well well. Dem say na my type of taxi driver Naija need.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.