I dey always talk am say, di orisirisi tings wey we taxi driver dey take our mouth see for Lagos road, our eye no fit talk am finish.

Every day, na new ting man pikin dey see. Some na good, some na bad. Some fit take man to di next level (no be like dia own o), and some fit put man head for ground sef. Olorunmaje!

Na so I go drop one passenger yesterday for Festac. As I drive come out for dat Lagos/Badagryexpressway make I climb dat Mile Two overhead bridge come begin face Oshodi, na im two bobo like dat stop me.

Dem carry one hand bag follow body. Dem say make I carry dem for drop go Ogudu GRA for dat Alapere side.

I tell dem my price, dem gree. I say make dem enter. Di two both of dem enter for back seat. Na im I begin fire dey go.

We no even go one meter sef wen dem open di bag wey dem carry. Dem comot someting wey dem tie for white paper. Di ting sef na white like powder wey woman dem dey take rob for face.

Dem no know say I dey take style dey look dem for my inside mirror.

I see say dem put di powder for dia nose, like say dem dey take native snuff.

Wen dem sniff am, dem go close dia eye, dem come go shake dia head like say spirit catch dem. By di time dem open dia eye, e go red like fire.

Dem do dis ting like three times, me I just dey look dem. I come dey wonder wetin dis two bobo dem dey do for inside my guonguoro. I come tink say weda na di new snuff wey oyibo bring out be dat.

Di next ting be say, di one wey carry bie bie wey long like Osama own come ask me, “Sorry sir, please can we make use of your car lighter?”

I tell am: “Sorry, Sir, dis my taxi no get dat kind ting.”

Di second bobo come say: “Shit men! Why did we board this old school cab owned by this old school pap?”

I just do like say I no hear dat one. Sebi my own na to drop dem make I collect my money.

Di Osama come remember say dem carry matches for inside dia bag. Na im e bring out di matches. E also bring two wrap of igbo come out, e give one to im second and try to light im own.

I talk am for my mind say dis bobo dem no sabi who Oga MAT be. Smoke igbo for inside my guonguoro? Who born dog!

Na so I clear for road side, stop, open my door and come out. I open dia door too.

I ask dem why dem wan do wetin dem wan do so.

Osama say: “So what? What the fuck are you talking about? Is it a crime to light ganja? O, what a shit!”

I ask am say if e don shit finish, make dem come down.

Di second bobo wey slim pass di needle wey tailor dem dey use come dey hala: “Fuck you old school pap! Is it because we decided to board this old school cab that’s why you wanna insult us? Look, it’s Uber we rock, not this scrap. Fuck you men!”

I tell dem say if dem don finish, make dem come down. I open di door wide.

Osama come down, he wan touch me, na im I tell am say if e try am, im hand go stand still, e no go come down again lai lai.

I no know say as all dis ting dey go on, one soja wey dey guard dat petrol station wey dey near dey hear us.

Di soja come ask me who dem be. I tell am say na for road dem stop me say make I drop dem for Ogudu GRA, say I no sabi dem before.

Di soja come point gun for dia head, say make dem lie down flat for dat main road. Come see as Osama and im second dey crawl for ground, dey beg soja.

Di soja come tell me make I dey go. As I enter my guonguoro wan go, olopa dem full dia van wan pass. Na im di soja stop di olopa van, hand over Osama and im needle size partner-in-crime to dem.

Me, I don dey go my way. I see for side mirror as olopa dey trowey dem for inside dia van.

Nonsense and ingredient!

Make we jam again on Tuesday.