… Continued from last week

My union member dem no understand why I dey shake my head and smile. Dem no know say wetin man eye dey see for house, mouth no fit talk am out.

See like dat Keresimesi day gan gan, I no put my guonguoro for road dat day. I say make I siddon for house with my family and enjoy di odun.

Wen my family come back from church, my wife Bose come cook better poundo wey we use eforiro chop am. Na live chicken e take cook am. Olorun Oba o!

I don kukuma stock orisirisi drink for fridge dat day. My wife and my two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – no dey near alcohol becos of dia church, so I stock Malt for dem. Dem know say me, I no dey joke with My Usual. I don stock like 3 carton make e last me till New Year.

Wen we chop di Keresimesi food finish dat afternoon, Bisi and Funke say dem wan go visit dia mama sister for Dopemu. Dem say dem no go come back till di next day wey be Boxing Day. Dem comot live only me and dia mama for house. My belle come sweet, no be small. Yes nau. Who no like better ting?

Wen I don shack four bottle of My Usual finish, my body come stand paparapa like Standard Bank.

I lock parlour door, enter bedroom, go meet Bose. I lie down, den carry my leg put for im body. Bose say make I no disturb am, say e wan rest after cooking di Keresimesi food for di family.

I tell Bose make we enjoy small atlist dat day wey be Keresimesi nau. And e come be say our two woman pikin dem don comot for house for di two both of us. And I no even fit remember di last time wey me and Bose don do kini.

I use hand touch Bose for nyansh, Bose say nyansh dey pain am. I touch im hand, e say hand dey pain am. Na im I ask am, shey na everywia dey pain you for body jus becos you no wan give me my entitlement?

Na im my wife tell me say I no dey shame, weda I no know say I don dagba. Tori Olorun!

Na so I lef am for bed, go parlour go siddon till sleep catch me.

And since dat Keresimesi day, till New Year Day, up till dis time, Bose no gree make I do di needful. Shiooo!

Shey una don see di reason why I dey look anyanya wen my union member dem dey ask me wetin I get for my mind for dis year?

But I come make up my mind. I tell dem say my own na to marry new wife dis year.

I talk am for my mind say after all, if I don dagba, my kini no dagba.

Na dat one be my own New Year Reso…Resol… Abeg make una helep me complete am.

Make we jam again next Saturday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.