I have as my neighbor, a retired Police top boss whom I rarely see but whose friendship I cherish. I also met a lot of Police Officers over the years by virtue of my work as a journalist. A few of them developed into personal relationships at the time. Besides, I had played squash at the Police College Ikeja for many years and interacted with many Officers. This was really where my personal relationship with some of them developed. One of them, an avid squash player who retired as a Police Commissioner, had a few stickers in his office. One of them, which used to give me a good laugh, was ‘if you say you don’t trust the Police, when next you are in trouble, call an armed robber’. A wordsmith in his own right, the late Alozie Ogugbuaja also had a few stickers in his office as the Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO). Perhaps the boldest among them which has since caught on was ‘Police is your friend’ written in capital letters. My reading, on hindsight, is that these stickers were meant to reassure the public whose experiences don’t show the Police as an ally. Many people have stories to tell and scars to show of their encounters with the Nigeria Police. I have mine. Some good, some bad. But none as scary as several years ago in 1984, when I had a Police Officer pull a gun on me at a checkpoint in a dark, lonely spot near the Ikoyi Club at night. This led to Ogugbuaja giving me a ‘To whom it may concern’ letter along with a valuable advice never to argue with a Police Officer while they were on the field. The letter saved me from subsequent hassles at checkpoints while the advice became a golden rule. I was then an Editor at a time of very few national newspapers. I wonder how many Editors could get that kind of letter today. I wonder if any PPRO even has the power to write such a letter today.

So most of us, including yours sincerely, have to contend with hassles and demands at checkpoints. These demands range from the statutory to the mischievous depending on your level of cooperation. While it is a relief when the Officers size you up and simply say ‘Oga, your boys are here o’, it is irritating when they ask ‘anything for the boys?’ after wasting your time for twenty, thirty minutes asking for all sorts of papers. As a young driver in a saner clime many decades ago, all the documents needed for being on the road, were driving license, vehicle license and insurance. These don’t get you off the hook anymore in today’s world. A faulty C-caution sign, fire extinguisher, or even rear light can now get one into trouble. And there is no difference these days between ‘Road Safety’, VIO, Soldiers and the Police at checkpoints anymore since they all virtually ask for the same things. A duly issued plate number which has faded over the years, can also land one in trouble. It is that ridiculous. This is something relevant officials should apologize for and re-issue at no cost. After all, it came from their office. But then, this is Nigeria where the drive for revenue overrides everything including common respect for the rights and concerns of consumers.

The latest requirement which will become a cash cow if allowed to pass, is the renewed drive for tinted glass permit. I used the word renewed because it was a requirement that was suspended since it had very little effect on crime prevention. All it did was overburden the already burdened and frazzled Nigerian drivers because all it did was provide ‘money for the boys’. Besides, it has always been the product of a warped logic for me. Nigerians don’t manufacture these cars. They are not optional but standard requirements where they are coming from. For a certain class of cars, they are as basic as music in a car. I can maybe understand if those who have the drivers’ sides tinted for whatever reason, are required to have permits since it is hardly a standard. Besides, Police can always ‘stop and search’ any car that is too opaque. My answer to those who think it would deter crime is that criminals who can get other superfluous car requirements, including ‘Proof of Ownership’ and ‘Custom paper’, can also get the tinted glass permits. They probably would get them before the rest of us knowing they would somehow ‘legitimize’ their operations. We should be honest and call this another form of tax. Unfortunately, it is on a people reeling from multiple taxations among other ‘reforms’. It also does not help to improve the public perception of the Police as its friend. It is one harebrained policy which should not be brought back.

Speaking of checkpoints, a close friend sent his driver to Ondo in a Toyota Highlander which he bought brand new from a Lagos car dealer and duly registered in Nigeria eleven years ago. A politician, the car plies Ondo at least once a month. Last month, the car was stopped by Custom Officials. They asked for custom papers when they found all other papers complete. I have often wondered what custom officials do on the highway except to extort. I was proved right. The car was taken to Akure where they asked my friend to pay two million Naira as penalty for not producing custom papers. It was subsequently ‘negotiated’ down to eight hundred thousand Naira. They also promised to help him with custom papers – at a price - or he could be in trouble if caught again. One would expect that a vehicle license covers all these things since they are required at registration. But this is what impunity does. This is what licentiousness does. This is what happens when there is an unholy drive for official and unofficial revenue.

The reality is that we need the Police and other Uniformed Agencies of Government like the air we breathe. Without them, life could be chaotic and difficult. But they must be like oxygen and not carbon monoxide. One purifies, the other poisons. One aids life, the other chokes life.

Please, let we, the people, breathe. Nigerians don’t need another knee on their windpipe in the form of tinted car permits.