Na only Eledumare go save di son of man for dis Lagos. I swear!

Everyday, na orisirisi dey happen for road wey we taxi driver dey see.

Yesterday na so one madam waka enter our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. As e jus enter our garage, di madam begin call “Oga MAT! OGA MAT!!. I no wan answer am. How I go answer wen I no know who di madam be? If na SSS nko?

Even dough my hand clean and my mind clear, but dat one no mean say if dem wan deal with you, dem go look your hand and your mind weda dem clean or not. Go ask Oga Okorohausa if you no understand.

Wen di madam call, Mutiu, our union member wey siddon near me look me, I carry my face trowey.

Small time di madam waka come wia me and Mutiu siddon. E ask say na who be Oga MAT?

Trust Naija people, Mutiu sef take question jam di madam question. E ask di woman “Madam I hope noting happen?” Me, I don comot my face patapata.

Di madam talk say noting happen, say e wan make Oga MAT carry am for drop go Mile 12, after Ketu.

E say na im friend tell am make e come ask for Oga MAT, say na better taxi driver gan gan.

Na dat time I jump up. I say madam well come, na me be Oga MAT.

Di madam ask me “So na you be dis Oga MAT wey everybody dey talk about? I dey very happy to see you today. Wen I reach house I go tell my pikin dem say I don see Oga MAT korokoro today!”

I ask di madam which side for Mike 12 e dey go. E say na one street after dat bridge wey BRT Park dey.

I tell am my price, e gree. Na im I open back door of my guonguoro for am. Di madam enter. I close di door, turn go enter my pilot seat, open ignition, start engine, put am for gear one and move.

Di madam say no wonder everybody dey talk say I too sabi drive. I ask am why e talk so. Di madam say as I take move di motor

show say I get experience well well. E say if na some people, na so dem go move motor like say na horse. Passenger waist go nearly break.

Na so we come dey face Alausa secretariat, pass 7Up, enter old toll gate for Lagos-Ibadan Expressway, den begin dey go Ketu.

Wen we reach dat bridge for Mile 12, I ask di madam which street we go enter. Di madam come shout. E say make I no vex, say e don forgot one important meeting wey e get for dia church wey dey for Ikorodu, Agric bus stop. E ask me weda I fit carry am go drop for Ikorodu.

I tell di madam say my work na to carry passenger nau. Na so we begin face Ikorodu.

We don nearly enter Ikorodu wen one of di plenty cow wey two Aboki like dat carry dey waka for road jus run enter di front of my guonguoro. Tori Olorun!

And I dey for speed o. My passenger shout! Me sef confuse. Olorun Oba o!

I no know wen I cut my steering go right, I nearly hit all di people wey dey sell market for roadside. I cut my hand again go left, I dodge one motor wey dey dat side, face front, den match break ffiiaammm!

Aboki begin talk dia language. Me sef talk my own Ogbomoso language for am.

But I no say, Aboki dey tell me say to say I jam dia cow, dem for burn me and my guonguoro today and noting go happen.

Come see as my passenger and everybody for road begin clap hand for me. Dem talk say na me be di best taxi driver for Lagos.

Wen I carry di madam reach dia church for Agric bus stop, di woman pay me double. E happy as I take escape dat cow and Aboki wahala, no be small.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Credit: Matilda’s Blog.