Na now I believe all di ting wey our papa dem talk tele tele before dem peme.

I remember dat time wen we small for our village for Ogbomoso. Wen anybody hide do bad ting, my papa go say make dem no worry, say one day go be one day wey monkey go go market e no go come back.

And now, na so my wife Bose dey do anytime e suspect me with all dis Lagos sisi dem. If I come back late, noting wey I go tell my wife make e believe. Weda I do overtime o, or I get flat tyre o, or my guonguoro engine knock o, or na go-slow catch me for road-o, all dat one no concern Bose. Wen e don talk bla, bla, bla finish, di ting wey e go take end am be say “everyday na for thief and one day for di owner”. Na only Bose know who be thief and who be owner, and im ting wey dem dey thief every time.

Na so I come back di order day, Bose begin hala sote our nebor dem come out. I take style go inside bedroom. Bose come hold me for my shokoto. E say I must tell am wetin I do for outside wey make me come house by 12 midnight. E say wen I don go do ishekushe finish with all dis Lagos ashi dem, I go carry my useless body come meet am for house. E say weda I wan take AIDS finish am?

Bose no let me talk. Our two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – beg dia mama tire make e lef my shokoto trouser, na lie.

I come begin fear sef weda dis Ondo woman don run mental. You no go believe say na so Bose hold me for my shokoto trouser dey talk till 2 O’clock a.m. in di morning wen sleep catch am.

Before den, Bisi and Funke don tire to beg dia mama. Na as dem hold dia mama dey beg am, na im sleep jus carry di two both of dem. Me sef wey don tire, as Bose sleep, na im I close my eye, begin sleep but my wife hand still dey for my shokoto trouser and na so Bisi and Funke hand still dey hold dia mama for wrapper.

Na so we open eye see oursef dey hold each order wen we wake up for morning.

Na dat time I come nack dem di tory of wetin dia mama wan take kill me for night:

I go drop one passenger like dat for Sango Otta, as I dey come back dat evening, two madam like dat say make I drop dem for Ogba. The place wey I drop dem na one corner, corner house like dat. We reach dia around 8.00 o’clock p.m. in di evening.

Di two madam dem tell me make I wait for dem small. I tell dem say na drop dem talk, no be charter. Dem beg me say dem go add money for me, say dem go quick come out.

Na so I wait ti-ti-ti 10 o’clock pm in di night nack. Small time two bobo like dat enter di same place, na im I follow dem for back to go see wetin dey happen or make I go tell di madam dem make dem kukuma pay my money make I dey go.

Di tori be say, di two madam na friend dem be. Dem plan am, lef dia husband come meet dia bobo dem for short time with dia bobo dem.

Dia two husband na friend dem be too, one amebo don tell dem say na for dat place dia wife dem dey come gbadu with dia bobo dem every night. Na so all of dem come jam like jambite for short time joint o. Tori Olorun!

Wen I see wetin dey happen, nobody tell me to run comot, jump inside my guonguoro and vamus.

Wen I nack my family di tori finish dat morning, come see as everybody laugh trowey leg for up.

Bose come talk am say, you see? Every day na for thief, one day for di owner! And na so e go be lagbara Olorun!

I come talk am for my mind say, na you and who go answer amen for dat kind wicked prayer?

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Courtesy Matilda’s Blog.