Noting wey di son of man no go see for dis Lagos.

I put my guonguoro for road, na orisirisi I go see. I dey for house, na dat one sef worss pass.

Dis Baba Braimoh face-me-I-face-you house wey I dey live so for Abule Egba with my family, na barrack. Everyting dey happen for di house.

Twenty tenant na im we be, and na only my own be room and parlour. Di rest na one, one room.

If you wan baf or shit, you must join di queue for di only toilet wey dey di hole yard. Kitchen nko? Dat one don over full sote plenty tenant dey cook for corridor near dia room door.

Na im make everyday wen I come back for night, I go jus park my guonguoro for outside, enter house, comot my shokoto, buba and dross, find one corner wey light no too show, and baf. Di next ting na to eat and sleep.

But yesterday I no fit sleep well. For midnight na so I dey hear kpa! Kpo!! Kpa!!! Small time we come dey hear cry.

I wake my wife Bose make e follow hear wetin I dey hear. Bose open eye, listen well well, den come talk say na Mama Risikatu, our next door nebor, dey cry.

Di woman come dey shout, "Baba Bisi helep me o! O fe pa mi o!! Baba Bisi joor!!!

As di woman dey shout my name, I come dey tink wetin for do am. Bose talk say e go be im husband, Baba Risikatu, dey beat am. Tori Olorun!

I use style open door, na so Mama Risikatu run enter, cross parlour wey my pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – dey sleep, run inside my room and jam di door.

Di woman tie 3-month-old pikin for back, hold anoder one for hand wey be like nine-month old, anoder one, Risikatu, wey never reach 2 year run follow am, and di woman carry belle join am o. Olorun Oba o!

Come see as di woman husband dey pursue im wife sote e wan enter my room. I jump one time and grab am for waist. Na dat time I sabi say I still get small power for body.

I tell di man “calm down!” I call di wife make e come out to di parlour, di woman dey fear to come out. Bose go bring am out. Na so me and my wife Bose come dey do Chief Judge dat midnight.

But di ting wey pain me be see, if you ask di wife wetin happen, e go say make we ask di husband. If you ask di husband, e go say make we ask di wife.

I come tell dem say if na so, make di two both of dem comot for my house nah make I sleep.

Na dat time Mama Risikatu come talk.

Wetin cause di wahala be say, Baba Risikatu dey always quarrel im wife say na so, so woman pikin e dey born – number one na woman, second na woman, third na woman. And e come dey talk say di one for belle sef fit come be woman also.

Na im make, as Baba Risikatu wan do di ting again for midnight, Mama Risikatu no gree. E close di ting patapata. E tell im husband say na so e go do finish, wen e born now e go begin quarrel am say e don born anoder woman pikin. Na so di man use im panel beater hand begin hammer im wife o, say e no gree give am kini. See me see wahala.

I come take time tell Baba Risikatu say di ting na give and take. I tell am say na wetin you put inside dia, na di same ting you go get. You no fit sow cassava and reap paw paw.

I ask am wetin wrong to born woman pikin sef. I ask am say, if e born man pikin full house, and all of dem come become Agbero, shey dat one na pikin? E say no. I tell am say make e send all im pikin dem go school, as me sef send Bisi and Funke. And den pray make Olorun put hand for dia life.

Na so we come settle husband and wife matter dat midnight o. Na im make I jus dey sleep after day break since I reach our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed