Person go dey plan im own, order people go dey counter am. Which kind wahala be dis?

Becos I say make una put mouth for di matter wey I talk on Tuesday no mean say una go begin take leg press my neck make I peme.

My people, make una see wetin people talk, jus becos I say Lagos no dey like before, I dey go back to my village:

Dear Oga MAT,

I dey tink tele tele say you be strong man wey don sabi Lagos gan as taxi driver and fit stand anyting. I no know say even jelly fish strong pass you one million time. How you go talk say afraid don dey catch you for Lagos jus becos of ordinary Coro? Abeg comot for road make I waka pass.

— Shettima Abdullahi

Kano

Dear Oga MAT,

Dat one wey you talk say you wan run go back to your village, na you sabi. If you go, na who go dey nack us sweet sweet tori of wetin dey shele for Lagos road?You wan kill person? Tori Olorun! As Naija dey now, na your sweet tori I dey take shock my body make HB no scata my heart, now you say you wan pack go your village for Ogbomoso. No be only pack, na packaging. You no go no wia, o jare!

— Madam Esther Folorunsho

Abeokuta

Dear Oga MAT,

Abeg dat talk wey you talk say you dey go back to your village, keep am one corner. We no go gree. I as President of Ashewo Association of Nigeria (AAN), Ipodo Chapter, Lagos State Branch don hold meeting and we gree say as our dear nebor, we no fit allow you go. See your garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge see our headquarters, na who our members go dey siddon with dey gist for afternoon wen dem no dey busy? You sef tink am.

— Florence Imade

Ikeja, Lagos

Dear Oga MAT,

I read on Tuesday wen you talk say you dey go back to your village for Ogbomoso, no troublem. I support you intoto. But abeg, before you go, helep me drop di following items for me – (1) Your two woman pikin dem, Bisi and Funke (2) Your guonguoro (3) I fit also manage your wife Bose as tokunbo spare tyre.

Abeg no forget o.

Tank you very, very much indeed.

— Bassey Okon Bassey

Calabar

Dear Oga MAT,

Shey na true say you dey go back to your village for Ogbomoso? E good o. Na retirement be dat nau. E good to go and rest after your selfless service as taxi driver for Lagos since 1965 wen you run come Lagos. But biko, I wan buy your guonguoro take dey pack dirty from street to street for my town. How much you go sell am for me as your paddy paddy? Remember say na second abi third hand o.

— Ikechukwu Obioama

Owerri

Dear Oga MAT,

I don dey plan tipe tipe say I go come Naija but I dey plan make dis Coro matter finish. I been plan say, wen I jus land for airport for Lagos, na you I go find come for your garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. I talk am for my mind say, as you get plenty experience, na you go be my official driver for di one week wey we go do conference for Lagos. I trust you, I no wan use all dose Lagos driver dem make dem no do me gbomo gbomo. I dey fear Naija people gan.

— Joseph Kweku

Takoradi, Ghana

My people how una see am?

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.