Wen person dey tink of how to escape dis Korona-wetin-call, anoder matter don come shele.

For me o, dis ting wey happen bad pass korona sef.

After JAMB last week, my two woman pikin, Bisi and Funke say dem wan go do holiday for dia mama sister place for Ketu. Dem say dem wan go rest small, after all di book wey dem read morning and night to take prepare for JAMB.

Dem say if dem stay for our house for Abule Egba, dia mama no go allow dem rest with so, so house work.

As dem go Ketu, nobody to come dey wash my guonguoro every morning before I carry am enter road.

Shey na me go come bend down dey wash am with dis my agbalagba waist? Abi na dia mama wey don become iya rugbo go come dey wash am?

As me and my wife Bose discus di matter di order day, Bose say e sabi one woman for dat our area wey fit come dey wash my guonguoro every morning, den I go dey pay am every month till Bisi and Funke come back.

Bose say di woman name na Iya Mutairu. I tell Bose make e arrange make di woman come start work dat last week.

Di first day Iya Mutairu come, I tink say na Dunlop Elite wey I dey see for TV. Di woman big pass Mighty Igoh sef. One of Iya Mutairu leg big pass Dangote trailer tyre. Im hand alone be like four Abuja yam join togeder. Im boysquaters nko? Dat one na “who-send-you-come?” And Iya Mutairu headlamp for im chest na no go area.

I hear say di woman husband been suffocate for midnight and peme 5 years ago, I say no wonder!

Di first day IyaMutairu wash my guonguoro finish, as I enter to begin drive go our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, di motor come dey breath one kind like person wey don carry koro.

I drive am go mecho workshop, dem tell me say one spring don cut for under. I quick, quick remember say Iya Mutairu been enter for inside wen e dey wash my guonguoro dat morning. Tori Olorun!

Di second day wey e wash am finish, I notice say my fuel guage don break. Wen I ask Iya Mutairu di next day, e say im hand been touch di fuel guage by mistake wen e dey clean inside di guonguoro dat morning.

Di one wey scatter my head patapata na wetin happen yesterday morning.

After Iya Mutairu don wash my guonguoro finish, I say make I rush go carry one passenger wey don call me for night and book for charter.

As I wan open door and enter, I see say all my four tyre don fall reach ground. Olorun Oba o!

Tank God say di woman never go dat time. I look Iya Mutairu, Iya Mutairu look me. Di next ting be say, Iya Mutairu kneel down begin dey beg. E say make I forgive am, say na work of di devil. E say na as e enter siddon wen e wan clean di inside of di guonguoro, na im all di tyre jus fall yakata!

I rush inside house, vex don finish me. All my body come dey shake like Shakespear, and na so my head nearly jam for wall like German.

I tell Bose make e go outside now now now, go tell Iya Mutairu make e no come again. Bose wan ask me wetin happen, come see as I shout for my wife head like person wey craze jus enter im head.

Bose no know wen e run outside go tell Iya Mutairu make e begin dey go, say make e come month end come collect money for di work wey e don do.

Haba! How dis woman wey don suffocate im husband kill am for midnight, wan come suffocate my guonguoro? Anybody wey suffocate my guonguoro don suffocate me be dat nau.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.