I come talk am for my mind say, so true true dis small Americana sisi wan remove di shokoto trouser and jumper wey I wear?

How old man like me go come tanda naked jus becos I come Lekki Beach?

Na im I tell Sandra say, for my place Ogbomosho, na only mad person dey tanda naked for public place. Sandra ask me weda I no wear anyting for yonder. I tell am say na only dross I wear, my dross wey I dey use robe tie, wey I buy for Mushin market since five years.

Sandra come bend im nose one kind and shout, “My Gaad! You mean you’ve been wearing the same pant you bought since five years ago?”

I come smile and tell am say: “Yes nau. Na im be say I buy better dross wey serve me well well.”

Sandra say: “O, come on my man! Wen we leave this beach, we shall go straight to town for some shopping. You really need some new pants. Remember you will be staying with me in my hotel room till I get back to the US.” Na so e talk, den come smile for me.

Wen we comot for Lekki Beach, Sandra say make I drive am go any better supermarket for town. Na so we nearly buy everyting for di supermarket we enter, plus including four dross for me wey e call boxers.

By di time we finish, dem give Sandra bill of N150,000. And na so dis sisi count di money pay like say noting happen. Olorun Oba o!

As we comot for di supermarket, Sandra say hungry dey catch am. E say make we begin go “our” room (yes, e call am our room) for Four Point Hotel so dat we go chop di tings wey we by for di supermarket.

As I park my guonguoro for di hotel car park, Sandra open door come down. As di security people jus see Sandra, na so all of dem rush come begin carry all di load wey dey for my guonguoro boot, plus including di Ghana-Must-Go bag wey di money wey we change dey inside.

Wen we reach di hotel room, come see all di ting wey Sandra dash dis people, and money sef. No wonder all of dem rush come meet di America sisi for car park as dem jus see us.

Wen dose people don go, e come remain only me and Sandra for di hotel room.

Sandra say make I bring out di food and drink wey we buy for di supermarket. E say make I dey chop my own, say e wan go baf first before e chop.

Na so dis African oyibo sisi enter bafroom and begin shower, e no even close di door. And I dey dia. Tori Olorun!

Di next ting, e call me say make I come helep am sponge im back as e dey shower. Na dat time I come sabi wetin dey happen.

And na dat very time my torch light phone begin ring grrriiinnn! grrriiinn!! grrriiinnn!!!

I pick di call and na my wife Bose dey for line.

I use style cut di call. I tell Sandra say dem call me for car park say I don block person, make I come park well.

Before Sandra begin ask me how di hotel car park people take sabi my phone number, I open di room door and step outside. I don escape be dat o.

How I go wait make dis small girl use kini finish old man like me? You sef tink am nau.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.