By STACY UKAOBASI O

There is this unwritten but popularly acclaimed social contract that when a man and a woman enter into marriage, it’s often with the hope of raising their family together forever. The couples envision a life filled with love, laughter, and adventure with their partners. However, reality can be far from this ideal. Sometimes, marriages become toxic, very abusive, or simply unsustainable and therefore the essence of the union is polluted. In such cases, leaving the marriage can be the best decision for one’s wellbeing and safety especially, if physical, emotional and mental abuses and violence become apparent.

In one of my most recent reflections, I did mention about the stigmas that are attached to women who decide to take a walk away from toxic relationships just so they can live happily ever after and bring up their children in a less toxic and indeed breezy environment full of life, hope, love, charity and fondness for each other. However, the stories of the increasing numbers of women who are brutalised and in some cases killed by the men they called their husbands and co-parents of their children, have set the tone for a broader conversation on what is best in terms of the kind of life changing and life-saving decisions that the women mostly have to make in view of the universal truth that life is precious and the right to life being sacred, must be protected, preserved and nurtured by all means humanly possible.

As I was deciding on what to build up onto this reflection, I read from the news emanating from Nigeria’s Delta State which has been thrown into mourning following the gruesome killing – allegedly by her husband – of the Special Adviser to the State governor on Trade and Export, Chief Mrs. Shimite Bello, at the early hours of Easter day.

One of the possibilities available as a choice to embrace life is for women to walk away from toxic marriages or relationships to keep and maintain their sanity.

As we navigate the complexities of modern life, it’s essential to recognize the strength and resilience of single mothers. Often perceived as a challenge, single motherhood can also be a transformative experience that fosters growth, self-discovery, and empowerment.

The recent tragic incidents in Nigeria, such as the killing of Shimite Bello, highlight the importance of women taking control of their lives and making difficult decisions to ensure their survival. In another instance, a man under the influence of illicit drugs killed his one-year-old son during a fight with his wife. These cases demonstrate that toxic relationships can have devastating consequences.

Single mothers develop a range of skills and qualities that serve them well in their personal and professional lives. These include:

Independence: Single mothers often develop a strong sense of independence, learning to rely on themselves and make decisions that benefit their families.

Resilience: Navigating the challenges of single parenthood can foster resilience, helping single mothers develop coping strategies and adapt to new situations.

Prioritization: Single mothers often prioritize their children’s needs, teaching them valuable life skills and values that will benefit them in the long run.

Community: Many single mothers find support and connection through community networks, building relationships with other parents, friends, and family members.

SUCCESSFUL EXAMPLES OF SINGLE MOTHERS

Tonto Dikeh, a Nollywood actress who has successfully raised her son as a single mother.

Uche Ogbodo, an actress who believes her life is more fulfilling as a single mother than as a single girl without a child.

Waje, a renowned singer who is a proud single mother to her daughter.

Genevieve Nnaji, a prominent actress and director who raised her daughter as a single mother.

Tiwa Savage, a famous singer and songwriter who is a single mother to her son.

Kate Henshaw, a Nollywood actress and fitness enthusiast who raised her daughter as a single mom

SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE RAISED BY SINGLE MOTHERS

Many successful individuals worldwide were raised by single mothers, including:

Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, was raised by his mother and grandparents.

Oprah Winfrey, media mogul and philanthropist, was raised by her grandmother and mother.

Jay-Z, entrepreneur and musician, was raised by his mother in the Marcy Houses projects in Brooklyn.

Denzel Washington, actor and director, was raised by his mother after his parents divorced.

These examples demonstrate that single parenthood is not a barrier to success. Instead, it’s often the love, support, and determination of single parents that helps their children thrive.

BREAKING DOWN THE STIGMAS

It’s essential to recognize that single motherhood is not a failure or a reflection of one’s worth. Rather, it’s a testament to a mother’s strength, courage, and dedication to her family. By sharing our stories and experiences, we can help break the stigma surrounding single motherhood and create a more supportive environment for those who are navigating similar challenges.

CONCLUSION

Single mothers can be successful, happy, and fulfilled. While the journey may be complex, it’s also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and empowerment. By redefining success and embracing our unique strengths, we can thrive as single mothers and build a brighter future for ourselves and our children.

•Stacey Ukaobasi O is a US-based child rights activist and the founder of Forum For Child Rights Promotion.