I no even park well wen Sikiratu rush come meet me with one big bag like dat. E say make I open di front door make e enter inside.

Sikiratu open di bag as di two both of us dey inside my guonguoro. Come see di kind tings for inside di bag!

Everyting for inside di bag na gold – wristwatch o, necklace o, shoes o, clothes o, dross o – in short, orisirisi!

I ask Sikiratu who get all dis tings, e say na im own. I ask am, plus including man tings? E say all di man tings na my own. Me, gold? Olorun Oba o!

I no even ask Sikiratu who give am all dis gold, wen e begin nack me di tori:

E say na one Yahoo Boy dey disturb am since dis new year. E say di Yahoo Boy come for Madam Shine Buka one day with im friends to come enjoy. E say dis Yahoo Boys dem spend money like water dat day, dem spend money like say tomorrow no dey.

E say as di Yahoo Boy see am, di boy no let am rest, e jus gum for im body patapata like evostic. Di next ting, di Yahoo Boy say e wan marry am.

Na im make dis morning, e pack all dis orisirisi tings come give am. E say make e take anyone e like for inside, give im mama some, den give all di man tings to im papa.

I tell Sikiratu say dis one na risk o. I ask am weda e ready to marry Yahoo Boy. Sikiratu say make I lef mata for Matias. E say weda I tink say e no know wetin di Yahoo Boy dey find?

Sikiratu say im sef na Yahoo Girl e be. Make we see Yahoo Boy versus Yahoo Girl, who go first use person head for ritual.

My broda, I shock reach bone.

Make we jam again next Saturday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.