My engine nearly knock di order day.

Una kukuma know say, no be say I no dey maintain my guonguro. In fact, if na dat one, everybody for our garage dey bow for me.

Me and clean clean na di same mama born us. Some people sef dey call me Mr. Clean for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.

Na im make, any day I close for work, no matter di time, di first ting I do wen I land for our house wey dey for Abule Egba, na to wash my guonguoro. If I tire too much dat day, I go tell any of my woman pikin dem – Bisi or Funke – to wash am, or I lef am first ting for morning.

My mechanic know say I no dey take my guonguoro play. Dat’s why di bobo dey try to use am finish me. If I carry my guonguoro go im workshop make e fix one small ting, e must to find anoder fault. If water no enter caburator, piston & ring go wear out, or fuel filter don block. Person wey no get sense no fit deal with all dis mechanic dem. Dia wayo too much. Di bobo no know say me sef na mecho work I take start life for Lagos.

But di ting wey wan knock my engine dat day na different ting.

I siddon for garage since morning, no passenger gree show face. I know say dis Easter wey dey come so don cut people pocket open like razor blade. Everybody dey find money to take buy wetin im family go enjoy for Easter. Na im make people dey take bad eye look us for road if we horn for dem.

Na Keke Marwa and Danfo be dia paddy paddy now. But I know say agaracha must come home wen time reach.

I come see say as I siddon for garage, na so so tink I dey tink. All di play wey dose our union member dem play with me jus dey bite me for body. I no enjoy am kobo. Na im I say make I jus put my guonguoro for road, no be say I wan carry any passenger, na make nobody disturb me again.

I chuk head put for Oregun, burst out for Ojota, den reach Maryland wey I take underground land for Antony. From dia I link Oshodi Oke den begin pursue Mile 2. All dis time, I take corner eye see as people for road dey take hand signal me. I tink say na passenger dem be. I no jus mind dem. My mind dey for anoder world patapata.

Na as I reach Cele, I see everybody for di bus stop begin dey shout, dey point hand for my guonguoro. Na dat time my mind come back. As I look di bonnet, come see smoke don full everywia. Tori Olorun!

Quick, quick I match break fiiaamm, jump down. People come follow me pack dry sand for di expressway dey trowey for the engine. God helep me say na only smoke dey comot. Fire never begin burn. To say I still move even 2 yard dey go like dat, my guonguoro for jus catch fire.

I no see di red light wey di motor don dey show me since wey I comot for garage.

Di ting be say, dat morning na vex I take comot for house. I no remember to top oil. I no even top water. And becos of tink, I no know say I carry gear one from Oregun go reach Cele. Na Eledumare really save me dat day. To say as I dey go so, I go jam trailer or electric pole, wetin for happen? Na so man pikin for jus peme. Olorunmaje!

I no fit quench becos of woman. My wife Bose papa broda tink say e fit kill me. Na lie! Instead, na im go first me quench and I go travel go spend money for dat dia Ondo. If dem no wan make I marry dia pikin again, a beg make dem come carry am.

(To be continued)

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Credit: Matilda’s Blog.