Every new year, wen person don swear say e no go do dis and dat again, na dat time gan person go begin see orisirisi tings wey go make sure say di swear no work.

One year like dat, na so I swear say I no go jus siddon like dat for Lagos. Since wen I run comot for my village for Ogbomoso before Biafra War, my leg no touch dia again.

Dat year, I hear say dat wicked man for our village don peme, di man wey wan take African Insurance finish me say na me give im pikin belle for Standard Five for our village night school.

As I hear di good news, I come happy well well say, I go begin dey go my village small, small even dough my Papa and Mama don die tipe tipe. I come happy say atlist I go carry my wife Bose, and my two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – make dem go know my village. Make dem know say Lagos no be our village.

As I dey make dat plan for dat new year, di second day Arike show face for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. E come with one big bobo like dat wey get bie bie full all im face and body like Osama. Arika tell me say na di belle wey e get 1965 be dat. And di bobo tell am make e go show am im papa.

See Arike o! Arike wey I tink say go don marry comot for village tey tey. Arike wey know say no be me give am belle, say na only touch our body dey touch dat time wen we siddon togeder for di same table for class. Now Arike bring di bobo wey don reach to be person grandpa, come show me say na my pikin. Olorun maje!

I use style discharge di two both of dem. Na so I take cancel my new year swear dat year to begin dey go my village with my family.

Anoder year after dat, I swear say I no go dey take My Usual again. I tink am say, dat money wey I dey go spend for Madam Shine buka every day wen I close for work, e reach to take do better ting for my family.

Shebi una kukuma sabi how much one bottle of My Usual be now. Times four everyday and times one year, and see weda dat money no reach to go buy land and build my own house for Ofada and pack comot for dis Baba Braimoh face-me-I-face-you house wey I dey live with my family for Abule Egba.

Di day wey I make dat new year swear to stop to take My Usual, na dat day gan our union chairman, Jimoh say make I follow am go naming ceremony of im pikin wey im wife number six born for Sango Ota.

Dat day I drink too small, patapata e go reach like five bottle, and na so I continue to dey shack My Usual till dis time wey I dey nack una dis tori so. Tori Olorun!

Na so we enter anoder year. I swear say I no go get anyting to do with any Lagos sisi again, if no be my wife Bose. You sef tink am. Every year, di kind money wey I dey spend for all dis small small sisi dia head reach to use am do better ting.

Odun Keresimasi and New Year, Valentine Day, Easter, Id El Kabir, Id El Mubarak, etc etc, na my pocket all dis sisi dem dey target upon say I don dagba reach to born all of dem o.

If I put all di money togeder for one year, e reach to use am buy tear rubber car and change dis my guonguoro.

But di very day wey I swear dat new year swear, na dat day Sikiratu come meet me for garage say make we go enjoy togeder. And if you see di kind wicked mini skirt and body hug T-shirt wey dis buka girl wear come, na so I jus dey tell am “Yes my sweetheart” for anyting e talk. And na so I come dey follow am for yansh upandan.

(To be continued)

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.