Wahala dey o, I swear!

Since wen Oga patapata manage talk di order night for television, everyting don turn upside down, all becos of one tiny koro-wetin-call.

Since wen I run comot for my village for Ogbomosho in 1965, come dey do my taxi driver work for Lagos after learning mecho, I never see dis kind ting before. Even di time wey Naija dey fight Biafra war no be like dis.

Oga patapata talk say make everybody siddon for house, I say no troublem. Na im good sef becos I no wan carry any koro.

Wen Oga patapata talk dat night finish, one madam call me for phone for morning, e say make I come carry am for Surulere go for Ajah. I say shoooh, shey you no get NEPA for house to take watch Oga patapata talk for television for night?

Di passenger beg me say e dey ready to pay me any amount. E say no motor dey for road for dia area, and e wan carry im husband go Ajah now, now, now.

I ask am which place gan gan e wan carry im husband go for Ajah, e say na hospital. E say di husband dey cough and sneeze since e wake up. Olorun Oba o!

Na im I tell di madam say, as Oga don shutdown Lagos, me sef don shutdown my guonguoro. Na so I switch off my torch light chinko phone, piaam! No be me and you. Alakoba!

As I jus keep down my phone, na im my second pikin, Funke come meet me. E say dia pastor say make dem come for choir practice for dia church wey dey for Iyana Ipaja.

I ask am how e wan take go reach di church wen be say no motor for road. Funke tell me say dia pastor jus call am now to tell am say e don send im driver make e come carry am come church.

I call am, Funke! E say, Daddy! I call am again, Funke!! E say, Daddy!! I call again, Funke!!! E answer, Daddy!!!

I ask am, “How many times I call you?” Funke say “Na three times, Daddy”

I tell Funke say make e comot dat head tie wey dey im head, enter house, lie down and sleep if e no get anyting to do. I tell am make e call dat im pastor back, tell am say make e keep im driver for dat im church, becos I don shutdown my house. No visitor.

Which church? Which choir practice? Which pastor? Which driver? Me I know well well say Funke dey arrange make e take comot for house for dis shutdown. No way!

Di ting vex me gan. I say make Bisi, Funke and dia mama, Bose come parlour. Na so I hold emergency family meeting dat morning.

I tell dem say, as tings be, no money for pocket becos of say no work. Everybody siddon for house.

I tell dem say from today, nobody must to drink pass one pure water a day. Nobody go eat pass once a day. I say make everybody choose weda na for morning, afternoon or night e go eat, but e must not pass once.

I tell dem say nobody go comot go anywia, and nobody go bring visitor come dis house.

As we dey do di meeting, na im I hear pom, pom, pom for door. I go open di door, na im I see Braimoh, our landlord pikin.

I ask Braimoh wetin e want, e say im papa say make e come check weda I dey house.

Me, I sabi wetin Baba Braimoh want. I tell Braimoh make e tell im papa say I dey house, but e no go fit see me becos me sef don shutdown my house, my guonguoro and my pocket till further notice.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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