I dey drive dey go for road, na so I dey tink wetin dose my three passenger dem, wey I drop for Lawanson, talk say be dia New Year swear. I take dia own compare with my own four tings wey I jus remember.

Remember say Chibuike swear say e no go touch cigar again from dis new year till lai lai. Obinna say im mouth no go ever touch all dose orisirisi hot drink again. Emeka talk say im own wahala na woman. E say na anyting in skirt e dey run after, but for dis new year, e wan go marry for im village make all dis Lagos sisi dem rest for im hand.

Na im I come remember “My Usual”. I mean my “Odekun” a.k.a “Black September”, a.k.a. “Engine Oil”, orderwise known as “Who Send You Come”.

I come remember Sikiratu. I remember Iyabode, plus including Aisha.

I come talk am for my mind say, if I drop all dis four tings for dis new year, wetin I go come dey do nah. Abi I go come turn to wintch? Man must turn body nah, after all body no be wood. True or false?

As I enter our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, I park my guonguoro. I meet our union member dem jus siddon jeje. Dem dey look demsef anya anya.

I ask our union chairman, Jimoh why everybody jus do like say person peme. Jimoh tell me say, di time I no dey, everybody make im own new year swear.

E say imsef talk say e no go ever marry anoda wife join di seven wey e don get already.

E say Idowu swear say dis new year, e no go touch all di orisirisi hot drink wey im dey consume tele tele.

E say Akpan swear say e no go get time for all dis Lagos sisi dem again dis new year.

E say na only Emeka no gree swear.

All di ting wey my union member dem swear come be di same ting wey di three passenger dem wey I jus go drop for Lawanson been swear. I say na wa o!

Jimoh come ask me wetin be my own new year swear. I first do like say I no hear am. E touch me for shoulder, and say, “Oga MAT, I say wetin be your own new year swear?”

I tell Jimoh say dis year o, I go mind only my darling wife Bose, I no get time for all dis Lagos sisi dem again.

Jimoh look me, I look am. E look me again ti-ti-ti-ti, me sef look am.

Jimoh come tell me say, if na so, make I transfer Sikiratu give am, make e manage am dis year. E say no be say e wan take am as anoder wife o.

I look Jimoh from head to toe. So our union chairman don dey target my Sikiratu since?

As I wan open mouth tell am my mind, I hear person touch me for neck and blow me one hot kiss nnwe! I look back, na my Siki Babe.

I come talk am for my mind say, “Sorry Jimoh, I hereby withdraw my New Year swear!”

Na so me and Sikiratu come go siddon for one corner, dey nack new year tori.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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