True, true Lagos na wa. Anybody wey fit survive for Lagos, go fit survive anywia for dis world. I swear!

Di same ting for dis our taxi driver work. If any Lagos taxi driver go abroad, e must to win award for dia. No be lie, becos di orisirisi tings wey we dey see for Lagos road every day, e no dey any order place.

Na for Lagos road you go see di good, di bad, and di… (Abeg helep me complete am).

Na so I siddon for garage di order day dey tink how I go take make my family happy for dis odun Christmas wey don land finish so.

Dem don close border and dem talk say na so e go be till Armageddon. No rice, no chicken, no turkey, no ororo. Tori Olorun!

As my mind dey tink all dis tings, na im one bobo like dat enter our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. Di bobo waka come with one oyibo sisi.

Na so dem come meet me. Di way di bobo take talk, I dey sure say na Igbo man wey don live for America tire, sote e bring oyibo woman come visit Naija.

Di bobo say make I carry am and im wife for drop go VGC. I come talk am for my mind say VGC for dis period wey Go-slow full everywia for Lagos?

Well, I tell am my price, e gree. Di bobo even pay me in advance. I look di money wey e give me. I look am again ti-ti-ti-ti, I no sabi.

I ask am which kind money e give me. Di bobo say “Fuck you. That’s a ten dollar bill, mehn!”

Me, dollar? Olorun oba o! E come be like say I dey dream. As I open di back door make di two both of dem enter, I use style look di dollar well well. Yes nah. How I no go look di ting wey I no see before for my life? I put di dollar for inside one corner of my shokoto trouser make dirty no touch am rarara.

I open di ignition of my guonguoro, start di engine, put am for gear one. We don dey go be dat.

Since wen we comot for garage, na so so “Yeah men,” Fuck you,” “Gaddamet” I dey hear for dis bobo mouth as e discus with im wife. Me I no kukuma understand anyting wey dem dey discus, becos di kind oyibo wey dem dey talk, e no resemble our pidgin wey we dey pieces any how for Naija.

As we jus pass Allen Roundabout small, wey we go begin dey go Aluasa, den to 7-Up, na so dis bobo begin hala. E say “Fuck you mehn, can’t you put on di A/C? You wanna kill us in this gaddam country?”

I tell am say A/C ke. I say my guonguoro no carry A/C - o.

Di bobo say “Fuck you. In this climate change? Can’t you feel the heat. I mean this kind of bullshit can’t happen in the US!”

Di wife just dey try cool am down but di bobo jus dey hala for my head.

Di next ting e say, “Gaddamet! Put us down here mehn. Fuck you!”

I tell am say na Lagos be dis o, say dem no dey drop passenger anyhow for road like dat if no be bus stop.

Na so dis bobo open im trouser pocket, bring out one short gun like dat and point for my head o.

(To be continued)

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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