Before 7 o’clock am in di morning we don reach Ijebu Ode. Di bobo sister Atim and im junior broda Okon, come dey hail me. Dem say true, true na me be di best Lagos taxi driver.

Me sef surprise as my guonguoro take run like say I jus buy am chasis. And e don pass four month wey I service am o.

Na Okon siddon with im sick papa for back seat, Atim dey for front with me. And as we dey go for road, na so dia senior broda dey call dem to ask how we dey go.

Small time we don reach Ore, den Okada Town. Na wen we reach Benin we stop to eat, and make my engine cool small. Na for dia I say make I jus manage one bottle of My Usual make my eye clear well well. Okon come pay for di bottle. E say e like as I dey drive, no be small. I tal am for my mind say na today?

I fill up my guonguoro tank, and we come dey continue with our journey.

We pass Asaba, climb River Niger Bridge. As we jus enter Onitsha, wahala don start be dat,

If you see di kind soja and order uniform people dem wey full for dat expressway, you go tink say we dey for war front.

Every kilometer na check point. If e no be soja, na olopa or custom or maja maja or immigration or road safety. Warder dem sef get dia own check point.

From Onitsha to Owerri, to Umuahia before we enter Akwa Ibom, we pass like 200 check point. And every check point na toll gate. You must park, drop N100 before dem allow you go. If you wan do over sabi housewife, my broda, na dia you go sleep.

By di time I go drop Okon, Atim and dia papa for village, my pocket don almost empty.

Okon try tire make I follow dem sleep inside dia house for village, I no gree. Na for inside my guonguoro I sleep. Before morning break sef, I don begin come back Lagos. Okon dem no wake up see me.

I carry three passenger dem like dat for Uyo wey dey come Lagos.

I see say dat Sunday morning, di toll gate for road don increase. And as di toll gate increase, your pocket dey uncrease. Olorun Oba o!

Wen I ask weda na only to obtain be dis uniform people work for road, one of my passenger come talk say dem dey do Python Dance.

I come ask am weda di python dance na to turn di expressway to toll gate for dia pocket. My passenger talk say im no know o, say e no wan talk di one wey dem go say na hate speech and come kill am by hanging.

Na im I come say shiooor! So na dis one be di python dance? No be only python dance, na frog jump, a.k.a kalokalo.

I manage come land for Lagos dat evening. Wen I check my pocket, na only 50 naira remain. Tori Olorun!

Amu robber ni gbogbo won!

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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