Dis our taxi driver work na im get risk pass. Di order day, I talk am for our union meeting say gofmen suppose to give all di driver for Naija full insurance, especially Lagos taxi driver dem.

Wen I talk am for meeting dat day, all our union member dem say, sebi na me be Akowe, na me suppose to write everyting wey di union go take give gofmen to consider. And na true.

Dat’s why, day and night, I dey tink how I go take write am wey be say if gofmen read am, dem go just agree one time. Di risk plenty too much. We dey carry orisirisi passenger dem – Pastor, Imam, babalawo, amu robber, kidnapper, gbomo gbomo, yahoo boy, area boy, ashewo etc etc. And all dis passenger dem come with dia orisirisi risk o. Haba!

Na di ting I dey tink dat night sote I tire…

Two sisi jus waka enter garage, dem say dem wan take drop go Ikoyi. I look time, 7 o’clock pm in di evening don nack. I tell dem say I no dey do night duty. Dem say sebi na to just drop dem and come back, I no go wait for dem. And dem ready to pay double.

Wen I hear dat double, my two ear come stand like Standard Bank. I tell dem my price and true, true dem pay me double in advance. Dem say dem ready to even fly go Ikoyi dat night, say di business dem dey go for no be moi moi business.

I open my guonguoro door kia kia. I say make dem jump inside. One of di sisi enter front seat, di order sisi enter for back. And zoom…we don dey go be dat!

I enter Alausa, burst out for 7Up, pass old Toll Gate, den pass Abiola Garden and begin go Oworonshoki to take join IBB Bridge.

Wen we climb IBB Bridge, night don show face. As we reach for middle of di long bridge, di sisi wey siddon with me for front say make I stop for am, say e wan piss. I tell am say make e try hold di piss, say we go soon reach Ikoyi.

Na im di sisi wey siddon for back shout for my head. E say, “Sharraaappp! Somebody say piss dey worry am,

you dey tell am make e hold di piss, abi you dey craze? If you no park now, I blow your useless head up! ”

As e talk dat one, I just feel one iron press di back of my head. I use style look my inside mirror, I see say na gun di sisi point for my head. Olorun Oba o!

Dat time, na me hot piss come dey worry sef. I come talk am for my mind say I don enter am today.

Quick, quick I match break ffiiaamm. I clear for one corner of di bridge. Di sisi for front carry up di mini skirt wey e wear, no pant! E say oya. I say sebi e wan piss, make e open door go piss nah.

Di next ting be say, di sisi for front remove di rope of my shokoto trouser, e hold my brokos, e open di two both of im leg patapata, e say wen I do am finish, I go also do im friend. Di sisi for back still dey point gun for my head o. Tori Olorun!

And di ting wey vex me be say, my stupid Johnny don respond like Rapid Respond Squad. If you see as e do head like snake, afraid go even catch you.

Di sisi say, as e hold my Johnny to put inside im kini, make I just dey call am Honey, Honey.

Di first Honey wey I call, I just hear for my head, posaarrrhhh! …

Bose nearly scater my head. E say, “Na who be dat person wey you dey call Honey for inside dream? Yeye man, see as your kini do head like python. You no dey shame! You must show me dat woman wey you call Honey dis night!”

Who go helep me tell my wife say na rape dem rape me inside my guonguoro for on top IBB Bridge?

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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