I have variously explored the sexuality of Muslim women in general and mine specifically, plus the expected and actual effects of female circumcision on a woman’s sexual satisfaction. This time, I broach the so-called taboo topic once more to discuss real sexual behaviours of women in Nigeria.

I should stress that every known ethnicity, community and religion frowns at promiscuity of women. A woman who’s domicile is the Federal Republic of Nigeria is expected to be sexually naive. But what is the reality? Does that expectation hold in practice?

A brief insight is my oft-repeated assertion. If women and girls are to remain sexually pure while men and boys are free to liaise sexually, through whom do the male gender satisfy their sexual drive? Animals? Corpses? Same-sex? or Women?

The preponderance of Nigerian men will hastily baulk at the first three options. In reality, men do sleep with women, with a caveat – women should pretend we have no idea what sex is. Men ought to boast of their sexual exploits; women dare not.

I recall, as a teenager, challenging my uncle over his misconduct. However, while he expected faithfulness from his wife for being a woman, he did not encourage the same sexual preservation in other women, the women with whom he had relationships. Men are familiar that women are not sexually dormant. The stereotype that women are sexually reserved serves men well. Shameless men – and women – can sit on high thrones to decry the actions of any woman who does exactly as men. In other words, men have a licence to misbehave.

While sections of both genders continue to perpetuate sexual discrimination against women, women have always explored their sexuality at par with the male population.

The sole critical variance in sexual behaviours between communities in Nigeria is this: In the North, no one wishes to be seen in public as much as discussing with the opposite gender. Even the most innocuous of interactions with the opposite sex must be conducted in corners, behind walls. In public, two persons act as if they were strangers. Behind closed doors, their relationship is strange only in the sense of the level of blatant contrast with overt behaviour – public enemies and private bedfellows; centre for hypocrisy.

Most Southerners bear no pretence to sexual attraction. All harmless interactions are manifest. In fact, in order to prevent sexual violation of women, there is always an outcry should a man attempt to persuade a woman or girl to a hidden alley. The outcome is the South, to a degree, acknowledges there is need for a redirection against moral decadence towards sexual uprightness.

The North will not countenance the end to pretence. Anyone who brings up the topic faces the controversial tag. Illicit sexual experiences are, of course, an aberration on the individual whether or not the individual or the society admits it.

Nevertheless, across the nation, there are women and girls, as well as men and boys, who retain virginity or sexual purity until marriage. Those are rare treasures, as are married persons who respect the sanctity of marriage.

•Umm Sulaim is the publisher of Umm Sulaim’s Thoughts (https://iamummsulaim.wordpress.com)

Copyright © 2019 Umm Sulaim. All rights reserved.

Update news