Dear youths, participate enthusiastically in family life and contribute to the establishment of home rules. Remember the useful home rule is: honesty is constant. Therefore, aim to always say the truth, especially when falsehood is favoured by others. One remains constant on the truth until one is known as the honest.

On their part, parents ought to refrain from lying to their children. An instance is to lie that a child will get a gift or reward, if the child performs an errand. A false promise to a child carries the same weight as a false promise to an adult – a sign of hypocrisy.

Another common misconception used to justify lying to a child relies on the child’s memory capacity – the child is unlikely to remember the incident. A child does remember much more than adults wish to acknowledge. The child may, however, prefer to remain taciturn on the issue. Worse, the child’s psychological response to the incident may enable personality or mental problems.

Dear youths, know that negative habits formed at a young age, unless expunged or modified, will remain an identity in your adulthood. The rectification of any negative inclinations while you are young is well-advised. Just as an addiction, negative habits are not readily divorced. Such repudiation requires estranging self from one’s comfort zone. Bad friendships must be severed. Without relocating to another home, this can be difficult, except for individuals with a spine of sapphiric steel. The negative habit itself will take the form of a boomerang.

Even after successfully ridding self of it, one learns the negative habit returns to entice. Self-discipline and determination will be the necessary instruments to repel those negative thoughts. Remember, though shaytan initiates negative thoughts, for the thoughts to be amplified or implemented, one must have yielded. Shaytan has no control over anyone. His mischief succeeds only if one yields to his influence. With each yielding, shaytan’s influence increases. Take charge of all thoughts. Be aware of all thoughts. Learn to say enough to self. Say enough, at the right moment.

Dear youths, parents may insist on choosing your social life, career, friends, spouse, et cetera. Know that – depending on your circumstances – some of those choices may have positive outcomes; many will be disastrous.

If you welcome your parents’ choices, all will be well and good. If your parents’ choices are not to your taste, you have every reason to reject those choices. You are not your parents. Your parents’ preferences cannot be assumed to be the same as yours. Unless you live in a nation that recognises the rights of the child as a unique individual, you must remain patient until adulthood and independence. Quietly keep your dreams alive.

Dear youths, if you lead a dual life – one in the presence of your family and the other in school – ensure neither of the double living is contrary to the Sharee’ah. If possible, seek professional help. Know the more incompatible individuals in your social circle, the more you have to pretend to be who you are not to retain your social interactions. Carefully choose your friends while keeping others as casual acquaintances, provided you can be yourself.

Dear youths, if your parents treat you well, appreciate them greatly. Your needs from your parents are not only financial, but emotional and social as well. Of all three needs, your need for emotional attachment at this stage in your life is vital to your internal development. If you have a close and relaxed bond with your parents, you must smile often, even if your parents are menial workers and traders. Do not be ashamed of your parents because of the low status of their job.

Many men and women raise and educate their children from the earnings of petty trading. Therefore, judge your parents not by their profession but by the effectiveness of their parenting skills. A lucrative career is not synonymous with excellent parenting skills. They have those needed skills: a) If your parents train you to be a responsible person; b) If your parents’ guide you to be yourself rather than be them or whom they would have wanted to be; c) If your parents listen to you when you speak and respond appropriately; and d) If you need not seek the permission of your parents prior to every act.

Parents who must approve every action of a child only push the child into a closet, where the child unleashes the most horrible behaviours. Be a responsible young person, irrespective of whether your parents monitor your every move. Be responsible to yourself.

Be responsible to Allah.

•Umm Sulaim is the Publisher of Umm Sulaim’s Thoughts (https://iamummsulaim.wordpress.com)
Copyright © 2019 Umm Sulaim. All rights reserved.

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