Na wa for all dis pikin dem wey person dey born now o. Dia wahala too much. If dem ask for someting, dem go talk say make you bring di ting now, now, now. Weda or wedan’t you get dat ting dat very time, e no concern dem.

Na so Funke, my second woman pikin come meet me very early yesterday morning wen I just dey prepare make I begin go our garage wey dey for near Ikeja under bridge.

Funke say make I give am N5000, na im I ask am wia I go see dat kind money for dat kind early morning.

My pikin tell me say e need dat money before 9 o’clock a.m. dat yesterday morning, say e want use am buy book wey e go take prepare for JAMB wey dey come so.

I ask am what of im senior sister Bisi own, weda no be di same JAMB dem want do. Funke say im sister own no concern am, na im own e sabi.

I tell am say issorite, make e wait till I come back for night, I say make e pray make I see plenty passenger carry dat yesterday.

Funke tell me say e no fit wait till I come back for night. E say e want carry di book go for lesson dat very yesterday morning. I say shoooo! Se make I go thief di money? N5,000 na small ting?

Na so I vex lef am for room, go enter my guonguoro and vamus. Which kind pikin be dis sef?

Tank God as I just drive dey go for one street inside dat our Abule Egba, na im one madam stop me. E say make I carry for drop rush go Epe. E say e get appointment for di local gofment council dia.

I tell am my price, e gree. I open passenger door for front, di madam enter. Na im I begin dey fire dey go.

My belle come sweet becos di road come free well well, no Go Slow anywia. We take IBB Bridge, enter V. I. to Lekki, to Ajah, den to Ibeju Lekki and enter Epe. All dis ting wey I talk so, e no reach one hour o. I drop di madam for Epe Council office exactly 7 o’clock a.m. in di morning.

Wen I dey come back from Epe, I say make I take Ikorodu. I no know say I don make baba nla mistake. Di kind Go Slow wey dey dat morning from Ikorodu to Mile 12, e don tey wen I see am for Lagos road.

Before I reach our garage for Ikeja, hmm, I hear nwi. Di only ting wey I take happy be say, I see one passenger carry for drop from Epe to Ikorodu. I carry anoda passenger from Ikorodu straight to Alausa.

Wen I reach our garage for Ikeja, I follow Idowu, our union treasurer, siddon for bench. I tire well well . . .

I see Funke find me come for garage. I shout for im head why e go lef lesson, begin find me come for garage.

Funke begin dey cry. I ask am why e dey cry, e no gree talk, e just dey cry. As I look my pikin well well, I come see say im belle don swell up. Olorun Oba o!

I call am “Funke!” E answer me “Yes, Daddy!” I ask am, “Na who do am?” E no gree talk. I call am again, “Funke!” E answer me again, “Yes, Daddy!” “I say na who give you belle?” Di ting wey Funke come talk be say, “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Sorry ke. So my pikin don carry belle! Tori Olorun!

Na im I give am one dirty slap for face puuuaaarrr! I kick am for leg possaaahhh! I want land am anoder dirty slap for face, na im somebody tap me for shoulder. I hear . . .

“Oga MAT, na wetin I do wey you just dey hit me for my leg? Since wen you enter garage na so, so sleep you just dey sleep and na so you just dey snore, dey kick me. If your leg or hand touch me again, I go hit you back, I swear!”

I open my eye, I see say na Idowu dey talk. I say, “My pikin. Funke. Belle.”

Idowu say, “Which your pikin? Which belle? Abi you don go shack your ‘Usual’ for Madam Shine buka dis morning?”

Na dat time I come sabi wetin dey happen. So, dat tire wey I tire as I come back from Epe don make me dey dream dat kind bad dream? I come beg Idowu make e no vex, say na bad dream I dream.

I come talk am for my mind say but why Funke dey disturb me for N5,000 wen I want comot for house for morning? Abi dis girl want use di money comot belle?

I no fit bear am, make di dream no come be true. Quick, quick I jump enter my guonguoro, I tell Idowu say I dey come.

Na house I rush go so o. I see Funke siddon for parlour dey cry. I ask im mama wetin make im pikin dey cry. Bose, my wife, say Funke go lesson, come back say teacher no let am enter class becos e no get one book like dat.

I come command Funke make e stand up quick, e stand. I look im belle ti-ti-ti. I no see anyting. I say make e turn, e turn. I look im back ti-ti-ti. I no see anyting.

I ask Bose, “You sure say na di book dey make am cry, no order ting?” Bose say, “Anoder ting like what? Diaris no order ting.”

I smile. I tell Funke make e no vex. I count N5,000 give am for di book.

Na so my pikin jump up and hug me. E say, “Tank you very much, my Daddy. You’re di best.”

Im mama just tanda dey look di two both of us. I tell dem say make I rush go back to garage go continue my work.

After all, noting dey inside my pikin belle. Yeye dream, yeye belle.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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