As I see for mirror say na my pikin Funke I carry wey dey do ashewo cinema with dat bobo for di back seat of my guonguoro, I shock reach bone. Na so all di blood wey dey for my body just dry.

I wan match break, na im I go match trotle. Instead make I keep right, I begin keep left for road. I no come know wen I put di motor for revise sef. I nearly take my guonguoro scatter everybody wey dey for road. I confuse and na so everybody dey surprise. Dem tink say I don kolo.

Small time na im oga director come shout C-U-T!!! Oga producer come meet me. E vex for me no be small. E say why I wan spoil business for am, weda I no sabi say na plenty money e put for di hole ting. I wan open my mouth talk, e come shout for my head say make I keep my dirty mouth shut. E say im no know say old man like me no get sense, say people dey talk say na Oga MAT be di best taxi driver for Lagos, but dis Oga MAT wey im see so, e fit be clone or body double. Me I know kukuma understand wetin e mean.

Oga producer come talk say e no wan make I follow do cinema again, say make I return di money wey e don pay me for advance. Na dat time my leg begin shake for ground. For wia I go see N200,000 pay am back? Money wey don finish dat same day sef.

Se I go go tell Baba Braimoh make e return di 6 month house rent wey I take shakara pay? Abi I go tell Bose may e return all di money wey I give am take go market go buy foodstuff keep for house, plus di special soup and pounded yam wey I say make e cook? And how I go take tell my pikin dem make dem go JAMB and WAEC go collect di N50, 000 wey I give dem pay for dia exam? Olorun Oba o!

Na dat time I make up my mind make I bring out Funke and dat bobo wey get di audacity to use di back seat of my guonguoro take do ashewo in di name of cinema. I rush go back, open di back door fiiaamm to teach dem lesson, na im I no come see di two both of dem again. Dem don disappear be dat. Ewo!!!!

I no even wait to tell oga producer weda or wedan't I go pay back di money, and how. Kia kia, I jump inside my driver seat, I start engine, and before dem say Oga..., I don take off be dat. I rush to go finish Funke for house.

As I dey speed dey go for road, I dey talk am for my mind say how dat my yeye pikin take sabi di oga producer sote, e use am for di same cinema wey e use me, and Funke no tell anybody for house. I come remember dat very day wen I reach house with di money wey oga producer pay me as advance, I come remember say as I bring out di money from my shokoto trouser, I give Funke oga producer business card say make e hold for me, and up till now Funke no give me back di card. So Funke been use dat card dat very day and get in touch with oga producer. Dat is it!!!

I don dey talk am tele tele say, dat yeye girl na im mama e resemble. If you see di kind speed wey I take reach my house for Abule Egba, hmm, afraid go catch you for me.

Quick quick, I rush enter house. Everybody for house surprise as I dey behave. Bose ask me wetin dey pursue me, if you see as I push am comot for my way. I enter parlour, I no see dat stupid girl Funke. I go for kitchen, e no dey dia. I rush entire inside room, I no see am. I look under di bed, inside cupboard, inside fridge, under table, di yeye girl no dey.

Na im I come spark for Bose. I tell am say make im and im yeye pikin wey resemble am pack dia load comot for my house before I open my eye. Come see as our compound come full. Una kukuma sabi say Lagos people too sabi do amebo, especially for face-me-I-face-you house like dis Baba Braimoh own wey we dey live so.

At last, na di hole street come beg me make I calm down. Later, wen I come nack Bose and Bisi di hole tory as e take happen, my wife just kneel down begin beg me, dey cry. Bisi sef follow dey cry for wetin im sister do. I come tell dem say I don hear, say I don calm down.

Di ting be say, up till now wey I dey nack una dis tory so, Funke never show face for house. But me I know say bird wey dey fly for up, na ground im leg dey point. One day, one day, agaracha must to come back. But anytime I remember say na Funke and dat bobo no let me follow become star like KOK, Ebubedike, Olu Jacobs, Mama G, Mercy Johnson, Omotola etc, di ting dey pain me, no be small. But na wetin man go do?

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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