A pregnant woman is asking if she's in the wrong for not wanting her newborn to be named after her husband's late wife and baby
Her husband lost his wife and baby eight years ago in childbirth, and he is also dad to a 12-year-old
The original poster is currently pregnant with their first baby

A pregnant woman is asking if she's in the wrong for not wanting her husband to name their newborn after his late wife and baby, who both died in childbirth.

In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP), 34, said that she is currently pregnant with her first baby with her husband, 40, who also has a 12-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Eight years ago, the OP's husband lost his wife and baby while she was in labor, and the OP adds that while he's healed from some of the trauma, he's still processing other parts.

At a recent baby shower, OP and her husband found out that they're expecting a girl and decided to start discussing names. Although OP was able to pick her daughter's first name, she said she let her husband decide on their daughter's middle name. He suggested his late wife's name.

"I didn't disagree in front of my stepdaughter as I didn't want to [hurt] her feelings, but then they tried to make a second middle name which was the name of their late baby," OP wrote.

When she tried to tell her husband that she didn't want to name their daughter after his late wife and baby, OP's husband got upset and said that both he and his stepdaughter want those names. He told her that they "have meaning behind them" and that "these names are important to them."

OP said she got upset at her husband and that she didn't want her kid to have those names. She then left their house and went to stay with her sister for a week, and after some time had passed, tried to talk to her husband again.

He told her that since he let her choose their baby's first name, he should be able to choose their daughter's middle names. OP attempted to explain to her husband that she's already compared to his late wife and "that I don't want my kid to have the same name as the woman I'm compared to."

"He still didn't understand and said that the names are important to him and that he really wants a part of them to still be in his life," OP wrote. "I don't know what to do. Multiple people have told me im [sic] wrong and that it's important to him and I should let him do it but I don't know."

In the comments of her post, OP got a lot of support from commenters who said that the argument goes beyond just a baby name.

"Honestly OP, I don't think he was ready for marriage or a baby," one person said. "In situations like this when you lose your partner so tragically, you never quite get over it and he probably sees this girl you're having as the girl he lost with his first love."

"You need to talk with your partner IN therapy and let him know how all of this feels to you respectfully and go from there," they continue. "I think it's weird that he wants to name his new kid the name of his old kid or wife as she has no connection to you. I'm sure he'd be just as upset if you wanted to name your kid after your dead husband or the child you had with him that passed."

One person suggested that OP tell her husband to have his daughter save the names for when she has kids.

"The names should be saved for when the stepkid has her kids," they wrote. "Then she should pay homage to her mother. Not the wife whose baby has no blood relation to the dead wife."

Another said that carrying the name on to his newborn baby is just a way for OP's husband to continue to grieve.

"This isn't just a name. This is telling a new baby that they will never be the baby you lost and you aren't over it," they said. "This is not allowing a new baby to be themselves, to make them carry the burden of your grief every day of their life."

"They never get to be themselves, they have to be a legacy, a lost future," they continue. "This 'doesn't have meaning' it is cruel. He can't erase his pain by making a new baby carry it." (People)

Update news