As Nigeria?s economic situation worsens, struggling husbands are increasingly turning to sports betting and other forms of gambling for hope. As they pour more money into betting, their priorities shift, leading to neglect of their families and responsibilities. BABATUNDE TITILOLA writes on how this habit leaves wives and children grappling with the emotional and financial fallout of a gambling addiction that threatens to tear their families apart

At the heart of the lively buzz of Ojo Garage in Ibadan, Oyo State, Toyin sits in front of her makeshift kiosk. Her presence is both inviting to potential alcohol consumers and captivating due to her youthful stature.

The sun hung high In the sky that afternoon, its scorching rays making the air shimmer with heat. Drops of sweat trickled down Toyin?s brow as she shifted on the worn wooden bench inside her modest shop.

Despite the constant hum of nearby vehicles and the cacophony of loud human conversations, Toyin maintained a calm demeanour, seemingly unaffected by the day?s chaos.

In her 30s and the mother of two children, Toyin spends the majority of her day at the garage.

?There?s not much to do at home except prepare my kids for bed,? she explained.

Her business is thriving, as alcohol is a favourite among the drivers, conductors, ticket collectors, and even passengers at the garage. Toyin has invested herself wholeheartedly in the venture, and it?s only a matter of time before she becomes a household name in sachet alcohol sales in the area.

But beneath her thriving business lies an open wound that brings nothing but pain and constant worry.

?My husband is a cab driver,? she began, her voice laced with the weight of her words.

Toyin?s husband was not accustomed to having little money in his pockets. So, when the pandemic hit, he was struck by the harsh reality that he might go broke.

?But he became addicted to gambling. It started in 2020, during the pandemic. With the lockdown in place, he wasn?t working as he used to. The little money he had was spent on playing sure odds and virtual games. He would borrow from anyone just to fund his bets.?

Despite working on a small farm in a village along the Oyo-Ibadan Expressway during the pandemic, Toyin?s husband sought more, and betting seemed like a quick fix to his problems.

He was wrong. His addiction has caused irreversible damage that is now eroding the very foundation of his family.

?He stopped doing anything in the house. He rarely buys anything for the children, only when he?s feeling really good about himself. I do not recognise the man he?s become,? she lamented.

Sports betting, gambling versus marital stability

Gambling has long been a source of excitement and entertainment for many. However, in recent years, it has morphed into an addiction wreaking havoc on families across Nigeria. As the allure of quick riches entices more people, a troubling trend has emerged among Nigerian men.

An Increasing number of men are finding their gambling habits not just a personal vice, but the spark for marital breakdowns. The thrill of placing bets and the hope of winning can quickly spiral into a destructive cycle, leaving behind a trail of financial ruin and emotional turmoil.

For many wives, the impact of their husbands? gambling addiction is felt deeply in the home. What may begin as a seemingly harmless pastime increasingly escalates into a compulsion that threatens the very foundation of family life.

This is the reality for Isiaka, but she is not alone. Many women continue to endure the relentless torture of being married to addicted husbands. These women share a common experience, one marked by the pain and devastation of carrying the burdens of absent husbands and deadbeat fathers. They are left to juggle the responsibilities of maintaining the household while desperately trying to save a marriage torn apart by addiction.

The dopamine in betting

During the National Gaming Conference in Lagos State in October 2023, the Executive Secretary of the National Lottery Trust Fund, Bello Maigari, revealed that more than 65 million Nigerians actively spend millions, averaging $15 daily, on betting.

Similar to drugs, sports betting provides the euphoric feeling of potential large cashouts. Both activities involve chasing a high, and bettors return to wagering despite losses, driven by the hope of recovery and the thrill of winning.

This cycle is reinforced by the dopamine release triggered by the potential for sure odds, leading to the neglect of consequences and destructive decisions that significantly impact families.

As a sports betting agent, Oluwatobiloba Abiodun shared with this reporter that many bettors cling to the belief they can recover their initial losses, often leading to more devastating financial decisions.

?This relentless pursuit can destabilise families, cause emotional strain, and bring financial ruin, ultimately affecting the well-being of an addicted husband far beyond the impact of drugs,? Abiodun explained.

?There are a few bettors who don?t feel their losses, but many do,? Abiodun stressed. ?Those who may not feel the loss are typically those who have won before. They try to put on a strong face and cling to the hope that they will return to winning ways. That?s how gambling works?there is always a flicker of hope that you can win, even after several losses.?

He continued, ?For those with families, sports betting is a risky endeavour because it can throw everything off balance if the husbands become addicted to it.?

Abiodun further explained that when an individual loses money in betting, there is a natural urge to try again to recover the loss. However, over time, as the losses accumulate, the person may seek out additional money to continue betting, fuelled by the hope of recouping at least some of what was initially lost.

?Where I used to work as an agent, I saw men who sold their cars, land, and other properties just to keep betting. But it doesn?t always end as planned. It?s a very difficult scenario,? the agent remarked.

Excessive gambling, dangerous addictive behaviour ? WHO

The World Health Organisation stated that gambling in many countries and jurisdictions is considered a form of entertainment, characterised by betting and wagering mechanics and monetisation features. It noted that, like gaming, repetitive gambling behaviour can potentially lead to gambling disorder, which is associated with distress or impairment.

?Many people around the world are engaged in (video) gaming and gambling behaviours, which are recognised as addictive behaviours, but usually do not result in any significant health consequences. However, a small proportion of people engaged in such behaviours may develop disorders due to addictive behaviours associated with functional impairment or distress,? the organisation said.

According to WHO, the use of the internet, computers, smartphones, and other electronic devices has dramatically increased over recent decades. This increase is associated not only with clear and tremendous benefits to users and societies but also with documented cases of excessive use, which often have negative health consequences.

It added that the health concerns associated with gaming behaviour are not limited to gaming disorder but also include other aspects of health, such as insufficient physical activity, unhealthy diet, problems with eyesight or hearing, musculoskeletal problems, sleep deprivation, and associated health conditions such as depression and venous thromboembolism.

Left dry and hanging

In today?s digital landscape, social media platforms have become a hotbed for sports betting and gambling promotions. Accounts dedicated to providing ?sure odds? now proliferate across platforms like Instagram, X, and TikTok, targeting a wide audience with enticing promises of easy and guaranteed wins.

These accounts often boast impressive success rates, showcasing screenshots of significant payouts and testimonials from satisfied followers. The allure draws many users in, creating a false sense of security in the idea that winning is not just possible but imminent if they join the growing trend of winners.

Some of these accounts go even further, offering free sure odds to new subscribers, claiming that users can place bets without any upfront cost and only pay a percentage of the winnings afterwards.

This bait-and-switch strategy lures unsuspecting individuals into the game as they eagerly anticipate their next win while overlooking the red flags that signal gambling addiction. The promise of easy profits and complimentary tips creates an illusion of accessibility and control, drawing people deeper into the world of sports betting, often without fully comprehending the risks involved.

As these enticing invitations flood social media, the impact on mental health and family dynamics becomes increasingly concerning. Individuals caught up in the frenzy may neglect their responsibilities, relationships, and financial stability in pursuit of these tantalising promises.

Moreover, findings have shown that these promises do not always materialise, as people lose both money and their peace of mind in the quest to hit big jackpots from betting.

Many bettors, convinced they can turn their luck around, double down on their investments, only to find themselves spiralling deeper into financial turmoil.

The situation is further complicated when bettors discover that the betting sites in which they placed their trust may not always honour their winnings. Reports of delayed payouts, technical glitches, or outright refusal to pay out winnings are not uncommon in the online betting world.

When these issues arise, bettors are left feeling frustrated and betrayed. In their desperation, many return to social media to vent their frustrations, sharing stories of their losses and the unfulfilled promises of the betting sites.

These posts, which should serve as a cautionary tale for others, are often ignored, and more people fall into the same pit.

The emotional toll of losing money to these betting antics can be profound.

Many victims find themselves grappling with feelings of shame and regret, often compounded by the financial strain their gambling has placed on their families.

?I forced myself to stop betting because it was not doing me any good. I lost more than I won. My life was not better when I was betting,? a 26-year-old recent graduate, Omotoyosi, told this reporter.

Home front affected

Findings revealed that a husband?s gambling addiction can create major tension in a family, disrupting emotional bonds and the overall stability of the home. For a wife, this addiction often leads to feelings of betrayal and mistrust, especially when financial resources are mismanaged or hidden.

This strain can lead to frequent arguments and growing resentment, and in some cases, it may even result in separation if the addiction is not addressed.

The Impact on children is also significant. Fathers are often role models, and when children witness addictive or destructive behaviour, it can shape their views on responsibility and priorities. Some children may follow their father?s example, seeing gambling as normal or a desirable activity. Others might internalise the stress and chaos, which can harm their emotional well-being and affect their performance in school.

Beyond these direct relationships, reports have shown that gambling addiction also disrupts family dynamics in practical ways. Financial difficulties caused by gambling debts can lead to a lack of basic needs and long-term insecurity, creating an atmosphere of anxiety for everyone involved.

The emotional distance that addiction creates means the father is often preoccupied with gambling, leaving both the wife and children feeling neglected and unsupported.

A man?s gambling addiction doesn?t just impact him; it sends ripples through the entire family, changing relationships, roles, and the sense of security that a stable home should provide.

Family realities distorted

Findings showed that the influence of gambling extends far beyond financial implications; it changes how families communicate and cope with challenges. When one partner becomes fixated on betting, the household may experience shifts in priorities, as well as increased conflict over finances.

Family life coach Temitope Olaniyi told this reporter that the priority of a husband who is addicted to gambling becomes feeding the addiction, adding that he will pay less attention to whatever is happening in the home and be distracted from performing his fatherly and husbandly duties.

?Struggles with gambling can strain relationships through financial instability, emotional turmoil, social isolation, family tension, mood swings, and irritability. It can also increase the risk of abuse, anxiety, depression, strain in relationships, loss of trust, neglect of responsibility, resentment, tension in the home, physical and financial abuse, and loss of shared interest and activities,? she explained.

The Intentional parenting coach said since the wife must cover up for the husband who gambles and, at times, pay back debts or face threats from creditors, she can experience insomnia, headaches, panic attacks, exhaustion, and subclinical levels of depression and anxiety.

?Also, research has shown that children of addicted gamblers are exposed to some family stressors like parental neglect, poor or bad role modelling, financial and emotional deprivations, family conflict, and physical isolation. The child of a gambler is very likely to get hooked on gambling too due to lack of adequate leadership,? Olaniyi added.

Since addiction impacts not just the individuals directly involved, their families and friends are left to often bear the emotional and financial burdens. Loved ones may experience anxiety, stress, and feelings of neglect as the addictive behaviour disrupts relationships and creates an unstable environment, highlighting the widespread consequences of addiction.

Olaniyi said the family of a husband battling sports betting or gambling addiction may need to find ways to cope with the behaviours of the breadwinner. This, she explained, maybe in the form of seeing a therapist or joining support groups.

She also noted that it is essential to establish and maintain boundaries regarding financial contributions, personal space, and emotional engagement with an addictive husband.

?The wife must have a plan for managing personal finances and what she will not be involved in. If possible, she should take more control of the funds. She should also be open to honest discussions about feelings and concerns in a safe and supportive environment.

?Understanding addiction can provide perspective and help the wife respond more effectively to her husband. Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, therapy, hobbies, or time spent with supportive friends,? she said.

The mental side of addiction

The financial implications of losing in gambling are staggering as savings deplete, debts accrue, and essential needs are neglected. Yet, the psychological toll is often just as severe, breeding feelings of betrayal, anxiety, and hopelessness among partners left to pick up the pieces.

To mental health specialists, gambling is not merely an escape or a bad habit but rather a complex disorder that can affect mental health profoundly, leading to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.

Psychologist Michael Jacob pointed out that the thrill of the game can create an illusion of control, but when the stakes rise, it often leads to feelings of shame and isolation. As husbands engage in this detrimental behaviour, their relationships unravel, causing significant distress for both partners.

?Gambling addiction often takes a significant toll on physical health, though it?s not always immediately obvious,? he said.

?For instance, many individuals in this situation struggle with sleep disorders. They might stay up late to monitor bets, follow games, or analyse odds, which disrupts their sleep cycle. Over time, this leads to chronic fatigue and can even weaken their immune system.

?Stress from gambling losses can suppress appetite in some, causing weight loss. On the other hand, some individuals turn to overeating to cope with their anxieties, leading to weight gain. It really depends on the person and how they process stress.?

The mental health coach went on to say that the constant financial and emotional pressure associated with gambling often triggers elevated stress levels, which can result in high blood pressure and increased heart rates.

?If left unchecked, it could escalate into serious cardiovascular issues.?

While gambling addiction in men often stems from a mix of thrill-seeking and social influences, many men are drawn to the possibility of multiplying their money.

Jacob said men looking for a quick fix to money problems or hoping to achieve a better life are easily lured by the promise of big wins, even though it rarely pays off.

?The convenience of online platforms and aggressive advertising makes gambling more accessible than ever, turning what might have started as a casual habit into a full-blown addiction. It?s rarely just one cause?it?s the interplay of these factors that creates the problem,? he added.

?Handling betting addiction possible?

Jacob explained that understanding these psychological impacts is crucial not only for the individuals struggling with gambling but also for their families, who endure the fallout of their loved ones? choices.

He said an addicted gambler needs to understand that recovery isn?t just about stopping gambling?it?s about addressing the root causes and improving overall well-being.

?One effective strategy is seeking professional help. Therapy, especially cognitive-behavioural therapy, can help them understand the triggers for their gambling and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

?Joining support groups, like Gamblers Anonymous, provides a safe space to share experiences and learn from others.

?It?s also important to set clear boundaries with money. Practical steps like handing over financial management to a trusted spouse or using tools to block gambling transactions can minimise temptation and prevent further financial strain,? he explained.

The coach said replacing gambling triggers with healthy habits like exercise can make a difference in solving the problem. He noted that rebuilding trust with loved ones is critical, as open communication with a spouse and family and a genuine effort to make amends can help heal relationships.

He said, ?Supporting a husband?s decision to quit gambling, especially in difficult situations like unemployment, requires a lot of patience, understanding, and constructive actions. The first step is fostering a non-judgmental environment.

?If a wife constantly taunts or frustrates her husband over his inability to provide, it can drive him back to gambling as an escape. Instead, she can express her concerns calmly and focus on encouraging his efforts to quit, no matter how small they may seem.?

Olaniyi further added that supporting discussions about the addiction requires finding a calm, private environment when he is in a good mood to have an open conversation and avoid interruptions. She advised that wives should approach the conversation from a place of love and concern rather than judgment.

?Wives should, however, be prepared for defensiveness but try not to escalate tensions.

?If the situation, however, becomes life-threatening, it is advised that the woman find safety elsewhere first?maybe by separating?before involving professionals.? (Saturday PUNCH)

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