Isoko highlife musician, Arube Otor, speaks to TEMITOPE ADETUNJI about his decision to marry three wives on the same day and his plans to balance love and responsibilities among his wives

What inspired you to marry three women on the same day?

First of all, I am Arube Otor, popularly known as Isoko Fela. I am from Uzere, Isoko South Local Government Area, Delta State, and I am a musician who plays Isoko highlife music.

What inspired me to decide to marry three women on the same day is rooted in my father?s example. When my father was alive, he married three women, and the remarkable thing was that when these women had children, you couldn?t tell which woman gave birth to which child. We lived together, ate together, and played together. This experience, growing up in such a unified family, greatly influenced my decision to marry three additional women.

If your father?s example influenced your decision, why did you decide to marry them on the same day?

The reason I decided to marry them on the same day is because of the deep love the three women share for one another. They genuinely care for each other, and I could see the unity among them. This made it easier for me to decide that I would marry them on the same day, as they support one another in every way.

How did you meet your wives?

I didn?t meet all of them at once. I met them one after the other. I was already married to my first wife, the senior wife before I decided to marry the three others. She knew about my decision, and all the women knew each other well. There?s no secret among us.

Aside from your first wife, how did you manage to balance love and understanding among the three other women, especially when you told them you would marry them on the same day?

It comes down to the decisions I make as a man. I am an entertainer, and my career permits me to have multiple relationships, which influences my life choices. Once I make a decision, I stick to it. I am very firm in my choices, and it?s hard to sway me once I?ve made up my mind. I told my first wife, ?If you truly love me and are still married to me, you must obey my rules?. This clarity and firmness have helped me maintain balance and understanding among all of them.

Do you plan to get separate apartments for them?

No, we are all living together on the same compound. As we speak, they are all in my compound, and we share everything. I believe that living together harmoniously under one roof is key to maintaining love and unity among us.

How do you manage to maintain love and balance among your wives?

I do my best to maintain balance by treating each of them with respect and care. I am fully aware of their individual needs and emotions, and I make sure I am fair to all of them. Additionally, I trust in God?s guidance. He has been helping me to manage everything, and I believe He will continue to do so. As a man, I work with what I have. Even with the little I possess, I ensure that it is shared fairly and doesn?t become a burden.

Do you plan to marry more wives, or will you stop at four?

Yes, I still have two pending. I plan to marry two more wives to make it a total of six.

Many believe marriage is a union between two people, the husband and wife. Why do you choose to marry multiple wives?

The way my father raised us is how we live. If you meet people you want to marry, you marry them. If you meet people you don?t want to marry, you don?t. Everything is a matter of luck.

What was the sincere reaction of your first wife when you informed her about your decision?

She cooperated, and there was no negative reaction from her or any of the others. Even on the wedding day, all of us will wear the same attire. My first wife will greet the guests, welcome everyone, and coordinate, as is our cultural practice. She will wear the same head tie and dress as the others and the bride prices will be paid. Before you marry someone, you date the person to understand his or her character.

During the time I dated these women, my wife was aware of it, and she liked their characters. When I told her, I explained that some of these women already had children for me, and I didn?t want to leave my children without proper care. Two of them have already given birth, while one has not. But by God?s grace, she may have her baby before December. In total, I have nine children.

How do you plan to balance love, attention, and responsibilities among your four wives?

For the ?bed duties,? each wife will stay with me for three days. The sexual aspect will be rotational; if the first one spends three days with me, the next one will stay with me for the following three days, continuing until the fourth wife has had her turn. The wife staying with me during those three days will also prepare my food. That?s how we live our lives.

What do your wives do for a living?

In Isoko, everyone tends to become a farmer due to the economic situation in the country. My first wife is a hairdresser; the second one is a caterer. The third and fourth are traders.

How old are you?

I was born on March 13, 1971.

How does your family feel about your decision to marry three additional wives at once?

Every man has his preferences. For example, if you decide to buy a car, some family members may advise against it, saying it will bring you trouble later. So, there?s no need to involve family in every decision. Your decision is ultimately your own. Those who support it can join in the celebration, and those who don?t support it can choose to stay away.

When is the wedding?

The wedding will take place on January 19, 2025, at London Base, Uzere Kingdom, Isoko South Local Government Area, Delta State.

Some people view your decision as unconventional or controversial. How do you respond to criticism?

God rules my life, not human beings. If someone is uncomfortable with the way I choose to live, they can simply leave me alone. No one can control how I live my life.

What message do you think your decision to marry multiple wives sends to society about relationships and marriage?

My advice is this: Don?t do something just because someone else did it. Follow your heart. If your heart can handle it, go ahead. If not, don?t. If you want to marry another wife and your current wife agrees, go ahead with it. But if she doesn?t agree and you cannot endure the situation, then it?s best to leave it. There?s a saying, ?Every malam with his kettle?, meaning everyone is free to live their life the way they deem fit. Live your life according to what works for you, and don?t let anyone control you.

What have been the responses from your closest friends? Were they discouraging, approving, or neutral?

We are human beings. Even with close friends, you can?t always predict how they will react. In our community, if you want to marry two wives or more, you can do so. You have to live within your means.

I even sang a song once that goes, ?If you want to buy a motorbike, don?t tell your friend. If you want to marry, don?t tell your friend. Just do it. If it works out, you?ll be happy. If it doesn?t, you move on.? Do what feels right from the heart without seeking too much advice. All my friends are okay with what?s happening.

Have you faced any backlash or criticism from religious or community leaders regarding your choice?

No, I have not faced any backlash or criticism at all.

What do you love most about each of your brides-to-be and your first wife?

Each woman has her unique strengths that set her apart. Some excel in intimacy or lovemaking, others excel in maintaining a home, and some are exceptional cooks. All of these qualities were what attracted me to them individually.

If you could marry only one of these four women, who would she be and why?

That?s a difficult question to answer. I can?t respond to that.

Do you believe you are prepared for the emotional and physical demands of a polygamous marriage?

Yes, I believe I am prepared.

Where are your wives from?

My first wife is from Uzere, and the remaining three are from Isoko North.

What advice do you have for the younger generation looking to get married?

For the younger generation, especially women, if your husband wishes to marry another woman, don?t try to prevent him. A woman?s character is paramount; it?s what makes a man stay. If a woman has a bad character, it could drive a man away.

As a man, if your wife possesses everything you need, there?s no need to look outside the relationship, especially if you?re not from a polygamous home. There?s no need to embrace that lifestyle.

The way I live my life is not the same as the way others live theirs. Everyone has their path. My advice is this; whatever you start, ensure you can finish. If you know you cannot finish something once you begin, don?t start it. (Saturday PUNCH)

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