What do you give a man who has everything? Or seemingly has everything? That has always been the perennial question. Relating this to the context of a powerful President and his birthday, what do you give our President on his birthday? What would he truly appreciate? These questions would have given his courtiers, Ministers and Special Assistants a lot of headache in weeks and days leading to the President’s birthday – especially since this is his first birthday as President. A reason for the headache is because what you give as a present says as much about you as it says about the recipient. It can reveal you as stingy, thoughtless, ungrateful or even vulgar. And if it is deemed excessive, it can reveal an ulterior motive suggesting bribery or even blackmail – a reason some countries ban birthday gifts beyond a token present for their most powerful men and women. Mercifully, the President through his spokesman, stated he didn’t want any form of celebration on his birthday in line with the mood of the country. Decoded, it means already starving newspaper houses would be deprived the largess that comes with political advertorials. It means aides would be denied votes or allocations for public lectures and presentations. It would mean the absence of unnecessary sycophancy and distractions. Hopefully, this would also contain irritating and hypocritical speeches and commentaries. But it does not mean the cessation of gifts, expensive gifts especially to someone who is known as a master at trade-offs and I.O.Us. It just means there is a need to be more creative by those who feel compelled to give gifts for what they have received or hope to receive.

Speaking of creativity, Prof Olatunji Dare, one of Nigeria’s most enduring columnists and someone I hold in high esteem, wrote a beautiful satire on birthday gifts some three decades ago. The best satires are woven with wit. This was a collector’s item in that respect. In the award winning column, he suggested birthday gifts to many of the leaders of that period. To Margaret Thatcher, he suggested a handbag weighted with lead to be used as a weapon against her valet and footman. Inside it would be smelling salts to revive her from her famous fainting spells. To MKO Abiola who had the largest number of chieftaincy titles by any person at the time, he suggested the mother of all chieftaincy titles – he left us to wonder what that was, but we have an idea. To Commander (King) Alfred Diete-Spiff who as Governor once shaved the head of a journalist, he suggested a brand new pair of scissors. To RBK Okafor the self-acclaimed political son of Dr Nnamidi Azikiwe who confirmed a death that turned out a hoax, he suggested a copy of a book titled ‘The World’s Greatest Hoaxes’. He went on to suggest ‘creative’ birthday gifts for Dr Tai Solarin, Mrs Nancy Reagan, Prof Tam David-West and so on. He however saved the last for ex-President Babangida, the Maradona of our time, probably because his birthday was then round the corner. For him, he suggested ‘a finely-crafted ballet shoes for the deft footwork and maneuvers’ that lay ahead of him. In line with Prof Dare’s piece, I would have suggested a beautiful plaque with ‘EMILOKAN’ embossed in gold as the President’s birthday gift. But that really would not be as specific to President Tinubu as people want us to believe because many top politicians have claimed and are still claiming EMILOKAN in different forms in the pursuit of their political goals. So I would instead capitalize on his love for real estate and find a quaint and lovely island that would be solely his. It would be called ‘Renewed Hope Island’ so that nobody however mischievous, can in future, call it a no man’s land. Especially after he has developed it to taste.

President Bola Tinubu does not look 72. He looks much older and I don’t mean that in any nasty sense. I should know. I am in that age bracket. If his birthday had not been out in the open, I would say he was at least five years older. That is what comes across on TV. He in fact looks older than he did this time last year. Much unlike his predecessor who was actually looking younger and fresher as his presidential years rolled by, Tinubu looks like a man who is either feeling the pressures of office or is applying himself too much to finding solutions to the numerous problems confronting him. Whatever one may say, one cannot use abdication or even dereliction of duty as one of his failings. Tinubu is hands on. From politics to the economy, from macro to micro, Tinubu has had an input in almost every development, positive or negative, in his administration. You could almost say, unlike his predecessor, that no lieutenant is second guessing him in making policy statements. But that takes its toll and long hours at the desk for a man who was not at the best of health when he took over the reins of the country, can have their consequences. Hence his looks probably. Hence his shuffles. He would have to learn to pace himself if he wants to last the distance.

But what would the President himself want for his 72nd birthday? Only he would know for certain. His appetite for political deals and material acquisitions have been known over the years. Surely he is at the age now when those would no longer be major considerations? He has paid a major price to achieve his life ambition to be President. Is he fulfilled? Surely he would want more than just the consolidation of power and wealth. If I was to hazard a guess or if I was in his shoes, I would want as a birthday gift, a conducive condition to prove that Nigerians deserve better than what they are getting and that Nigeria can still be a much better place. I would, towards that desire, work for merit, inclusiveness and peace.

Solicited or not, here is wishing President Bola Ahmed Tinubu a healthy and truly happy birthday! Here is also reminding him that the well wishes of many Nigerians will depend on how good and beneficial his governance of the country turns out to be.

•Muyiwa Adetiba is a veteran journalist and publisher. He can be reached via titbits2012@yahoo.com

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