Since dis new year enter di order week, orisirisi tings jus dey nack for my head.

Everybody get im own plan for di year. All our union member dem for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, don make dia own reso…resolu…res… Abeg make una helep me complete am make I no come bite my tongue comot. Una kukuma know wetin I wan talk.

Our union chairman Jimoh say e go sack all di wife dem wey e marry full for Lagos. Idowu, our treasurer say e go try make e no give any sisi belle again, as e be say any sisi wey e jus touch, na twins e go born.

Akpan nko? Di Akwa Ibom man say e don tire to dey chop 404 every time, say na only chicken e go chop dis year. Na wahala for person wey no know wetin be 404 o!

Emeka own be say, for dis year o, e no go buy Chinko spare parts put for im taxi again. E say na penny wise, pound foolish, becos di Chinko spare parts no dey last.

Mutiu say e no go ever go near wee wee and monkey tail again dis year. E say e don born again.

Di ting be say, I fit believe everybody, but Mutiu? No way! Mutiu own na lori iro. Di day wey Mutiu go comot hand for igbo and sachet ogogoro, na im be say di world don end dat day be dat.

We siddon for garage dat day dey talk all dis ting as passenger dem no gree show face dis new year. Dem say people don spend all dia money finish for odun, so na danfo everybody dey jump now till pay day.

As we dey talk dey go, Jimoh come talk say, everybody don talk wetin dey dia mind dis year, na only Oga MAT remain. Everybody come say na true. Dem say I must talk my own.

Na im I look up, look down. I begin use my toe dey draw map of Africa for ground like school girl wey teacher dey toast.

I close my left eye, open am. Close my right eye, open am, den begin shake my head.

Na so all my union member come shout for my head say, “Oga MAT talk your own nah!” I look dem and smile.

(To be continued)

Make we jam again next Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.

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