Since dis week show face, my torchlight chinko phone don hear nwi.

E come be like say na my birthday dem wan celebrate. Shey my name na Jesu Kristi?

My birthday sef I no know becos my papa and mama no tell me before dem peme. Di only ting I know be say, I dey for Standard 5 in 1965 for my village night school for Ogbomoso before dat ting shele wey make me run come Lagos.

Since dis week, na so so call and sms I don dey get. And na so people wey know my house for Abule Egba dey come from morning till night. Same ting for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.

Na so people wey no call me since dis year show face, dey call me dis week. And di only ting you go hear na, “Oga MAT no forgot my Keresimesi o!”

Na so I one comot for house go work yesterday morning. I hear pom, pom, pom for door. My wife Bose go open door. Na our Landlord, Baba Braimoh first son wey dey follow tanda for street smoke igbo.

I dey for inside bedroom hear wen e tell Bose say e wan see me before I comot for house dat early morning. Bose ask am weda any wahala dey, e say no wahala. Say e jus wan hail me.

Na so I come out, go meet am for door. Braimoh say, “Oga MAT, I jus say make I come tell you say make you no forgot my Keresimesi o”. Tori Olorun! I come talk am for my mind say, so even dis igbo smoker boy sabi Keresimesi?”

I no know wetin I go answer am. I jus shake my head, close di door after I manage tell am say I hear.

See Braimoh wey be say if e wake up see me early morning, e no go even do like say na person e see o. Na so e go dey do gragra every time jus becos im papa build di face-me-I-face-you house we dey live. House wey get only one bafroom and one toilet for 20 tenant dem and dia family o.

House wey be say, if you no wake up early, you go tanda for line tire before e reach your turn to baf, or shit. And if na hot shit dey worry you, na you sabi. Dis morning, Braimoh get mind to come ask me for Keresimesi. Hmmmm.

I enter my guonguoro begin go our garage. As I jus off engine, comot key, open my pilot door and come down, see Iyabode, Aisha, Jumoke dey wait for me dat morning for garage. I shock. I no know wen I shout, “Bulala balablu!”

(To be continued)

Make we jam again next week Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

•Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.

Update news