Dear oga patapata,

Good afternoon, my oga.

I take Eledumare name beg you make you no forgot dis my letter wey I wan write you so.

I sabi say you no dey always dey aware of anyting wey anybody talk or do. Na your style be dat, and I like am gan.

Why I like am be say, nobody go fit blame you for anyting wey dey happen. Tell me, how dem go blame you for wetin you no dey aware? If anybody try am, na dat kind blame your lai lai man go say na hate speech or fake news. And di fine na 500k now. Money wey don reach me join take buy brand new second hand tokunbo take change dis my guonguoro!

Na today I wan make di hole world sabi say I like you no be small.

Di first time you show face as oga patapata in uniform, I like you. I like you becos you bring WAI come do sherubawon for everybody until dat your open teeth broder in uniform come kick your nyansh comot as you sef been do person.

Wen I hear say you wan come again 2015 with change, my belle sweet well well. Na so I come tell all my union member dem for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge make all of us support you.

I remember dat time, if you drop for Ikeja airport, you go branch come greet us for our garage even before you go see Jagaban for Ikoyi.

And even as you no been dey drop anyting for di boys for garage as alaroro, we no mind, we been still wan make you come back, to show say we like you.

But since dat day wey you swear say “I belong to nobody and I belong to everybody”, you no near our garage again. But we no mind becos we like you.

Wen you enter dat house wey dey on top of di rock, I happy no be small.

I even come dey plan how I go fit take one of my two woman pikin – Bisi and Funke – make e for dey come sweep your bedroom and dress your bed for you every morning, and from dia, you fit promote am sef make e dey follow you lie down for di same bed, dey scratch your back as grandpa.

But I come fear make your madam no finish my pikin for me.

All dis na to show you how I take like you.

Since wen you show face dat second time, true true, we see di change wey you promise us. Even blind person go see di change.

After di change, last year you say you wan take us to di next level for dis your third coming. And dis your next level high gan. E come be change plus next level. Olorun Oba o!

For dis next level, rice don change from 8k to 28k for bag. Naira don change from 170 to 470 for one dollar. NEPA sef don change, dem dey generate darkness now 24/7 and you don kukuma tell dem make dem increase di money wey dem dey charge us for di darkness. But I still like you, even dough I know say dis next level don too high for us.

Di only ting wey wan shake dis my love for you na di new price wey you say make we dey take buy petrol for dis next level change. Tori Olorun!

I no ever believe say you fit do me, your friend, dat kind ting wen you know say dis my taxi driver work na petrol be di koko.

You been increase di price di first time but I take am as mistake. You increase am again, I take am as second mistake. Now you don increase am again. Haba! You wan make I peme?

If na only me, I no for worry becos I go jus increase di money wey I dey charge my passenger dem for drop and charter.

But I sabi say, if I add money, na so my passenger sef go add money for im own business, and na so my passenger customer dem go also add money for dia own customer, and so on and so forth.

Small time for dis next level, nobody go fit buy anyting again with dis our Naira wey you don kukuma turn am to toilet paper.

I know say all dis wahala no reach your side. You no dey use your money buy anyting nau.

Na free food you dey chop. If you wan barb hair wey no even dey your head, na free. You wan fly go oyibo contry, na free. You no dey pay doctor, you no dey take your money buy clothe, shoe or even dross. Everyting for you na free.

But abeg, make you remember say my own no be like dat. Try and change your mind for dis petrol matter becos of me. Abi you wan make I park my guonguoro for dis your next level?

Na me your friend tele tele,

Oga MAT.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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