Sometin dey for dis Lagos o, I swear. Tori jus full everywia, I no even know which tori I go nack and which one I go jus forgot.

Dat Sallah wey pass make me see someting wey I never see before. I dey hear am, but I no see am before.

Our union member dem wey be Muslim and wey we dey work togeder for di same garage travel go for Sallah. E come remain Emeka, Akpan and di ones wey be Christian, plus including me wey no be any of di above.

Dat Sallah day gan gan, Akpan come my house for Abule Egba. I surprise becos since wey me and im don dey work for di same garage, Akpan never come my house before.

I first tink weda di Calabar man wan come chase my two woman pikin - Bisi and Funke - wey don dey mature.

Una kukuma sabi say Calabar man no dey take eye see anyting in skirt. But Akpan dey for hurry, e no even wan siddon.

Akpan say as e be say na sallah holiday, and di order of our union member dem don travel go dia village, e come carry me make I go sabi im house for di first time. E say e no good as we dey work for di same garage we no sabi wia each order dey live.

I gree for am. Akpan enter im taxi, me sef enter my guonguoro, na so we begin go wia Akpan dey live for Shogunle.

As we jus reach im house, I never siddon sef wen Akpan open fridge bring 4 bottle of My Usual. I no know say Akpan sabi my brand.

Small time, Akpan enter kitchen and bring pepper soup for di two both of us.

I ask Akpan wia im family go, e say as e be say na long holiday and gofment don open road for people to travel after di Coro lockdown, im family don travel go see grand mama for village.

Akpan tell me say, na only am dey for house since yesterday, na im make e cook special pepper soup keep for house dey enjoy small small, and dey use Shine Shine Bobo take wash am down. Akpan tell me say na 404 pepper soup.

I ask am which one be 404 pepper soup. E say na dog meat pepper soup. Shiooorr!

Akpan tell me say anybody wey chop dog meat pepper soup no fit get typhoid and malaria lai lai. E ask me weda I don hear am complain of typhoid and malaria before.

Akpan begin name all di dog parts wey dey inside di pepper soup - gear box, head lamp, telephone wire, bacazle, piston, shock absorber, spring, etc.

Tank God say di Calabar man tell me everyting before hand, na so I for begin chop dog o. Olorun maje!

I come talk am for my mind say so di ting wey dem dey talk about Calabar, Ondo people and dog meat na true!

Akpan come tell me say, to make dis enjoyment complete, e for good make two sisi siddon dey enjoy with us nah – one for me, one for am. E ask me weda I no fit go organise Sikiratu and Aisha make dem join us. Make una hear wetin dey hungry dis Calabar man o.

I tell am say no troublem, sebi na woman e dey find? I say make e cover di pepper well, make I quick go bring di sisi dem. Na so I take style escape for Akpan house o.

As I hurry to go back to my house, na so I jus go hit culvert wey dem jus make for dat Agege Motor Road before Ikeja Along. Olorun Oba o!

I come down to check, na im I see say my two front wheel don damage. Di ting even affect my exhaust pipe, gear, back and front fender, bonnet and headlamp. Tori Olorun!

Na so I pay two area boys wey I see for dia, make dem helep me push my guonguoro enter di petrol station wey dey near di place.

And I still dash di station security man money make e put eye for me till I go bring spare parts come fix am, after all me sef na mecho work I first learn for Lagos before I graduate to taxi driver. Abi una don forgot?

Abeg, my people, I dey find original spare parts to take fix my guonguoro back. Anybody wey fit helep me, make di person bring am come our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. But no be like Akpan spare parts o.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

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