Posted by News Express | 20 June 2019 | 837 times
The formative years of a new member of humanity are periods for learning enduring habits.
With effective parenting, youths learn skills necessary for a fruitful and independent living.
From the day of birth, an individual must experience the loving care of parents and must feel and be made to feel wanted.
A child is unable to choose a family.
A child had no say in the circumstances of conception.
However, parents can and do choose whether to have a family and must take full responsibility for that choice.
Parents and elder siblings need to welcome the latest addition as a full member of the family.
Parents must treat all offspring equally.
Whatever demonstration of love and care is given to a child must be shown to other children.
Whatever item or property is awarded a child must be given to all others.
The family must shun the common trend of a parent or sibling specifying a child as a favourite.
Sometimes, parents single out a child for excellent treatment to the detrimental feelings of the child’s siblings.
Alternatively, a parent may despise a particular child.
Parents who do that must acknowledge they have forfeited their right to seamless advantage over the neglected child (or children).
Parents who display favouritism must concede the ignored child (or children) do not owe them the same loyalty as the favoured one.
Favouritism opens the door to the fragmentation of the family.
Once divided at childhood, siblings rarely, if ever, rebuild that bond.
Dear youths, if favouritism occurs in your home, only you must decide what is more important to you – the benefit of favouritism or a strong bond between you and your siblings.
It is advisable to extend your love and care to all of your siblings, even if your parents do not.
Diplomatically, dissociate yourself from any unfair behaviours of your parents.
Parents and elder siblings should refrain from projecting their problems on the young child.
They should abstain from assuming and voicing outlandish self-glorifying statements such as: Adults are always right.
This Author heard those words at the age of five and disputed them.
As an Old Mama, the original position has not changed: Adults are not always right.
Parents and older siblings are to encourage and welcome suggestions from other family members.
Young children may become aloof, disinclined and frustrated at the insistence of a parent or an elder sibling that their young age equates a lack of common sense.
Younger age => Less experience => Less common sense = Subordinate opinions = Rejection of inputs and suggestions.
Dear youths, young age is not necessarily indicative of lower intelligence, intuition or foresight.
Be sure and smile, contented you are smarter than your family wishes to acknowledge.
Most importantly, too much criticism is counterproductive.
The only thing unnecessary criticism achieves is more negativity.
The child may be rendered reluctant to express self for fear of being censured.
The devastating effects may include the slow development of the child’s intellectual and social skills.
The child will not perceive the individuals responsible as friends.
The child will express self elsewhere before a different audience and may in the process be exposed to negative, but friendly influence.
Note: Exposure to negativity commenced at home from parents and elder siblings.
Note the difference between kind treatment of parents and relations and having a friendly relationship with them.
Dear youths, make your own friends.
Begin with your family.
If such a friendship is impossible, search for positive attention elsewhere.
Dear youths, patiently bear any discriminatory injustice from parents and siblings.
Know that when you become an independent adult, you will be in a position to live your life the way you want.
Know that in adulthood, you have full rights to direct your parents to the siblings they favoured over you.
You must maintain relatively good relations with your family within your comfort range.
If your family did not appreciate you when they had authority over you, exposing yourself to further trauma as an adult will not increase their appreciation.
Live with your parents, until the door to adulthood is opened.
Dear youths, appreciate your parents without turning yourself into a fool.
Hold on to positive experiences with your parents.
Ensure negative experiences do not mar your identity.
Seek professional help if necessary.
When you become an adult, you alone decide your experiences.
Dear youths, appreciate yourself and your youth.
•Umm Sulaim is the Publisher of Umm Sulaim’s Thoughts (https://iamummsulaim.wordpress.com)
Copyright © 2019 Umm Sulaim. All rights reserved.
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